I Deserve
by Shaeric Draconis
Summary: My first fanfic - *Yaoi* MxM love. AyaxYouji pairing. (W.I.P) Youji overhears how Aya feels about him and it is not positive. A young girl comes into his life and he senses danger around her.
1. Feelings

I do not own the characters more is the pity but we can't have everything.  It has Yaoi content which means Male/Male love etc, if you are not into this then don't read. It is that simple. Don't bother flaming me, you have been warned.  

R17 because of strong language and Yaoi content.

**I Deserve**

_*Me like Youji, never in a million years Ken."_

_"But Aya I think he likes you, he keeps glancing at you when you are not looking."_

_"So what has that got to do with anything?  He is not even remotely my type, he is lazy, he smokes, he whores around and drinks too much…"_

_"I get the picture Aya…"_

_"Fine now get out!"*_

Youji paled, pushing the emotion that threatened to crush him deeper inside of him.  Deeper…into that place where he did not have to face things.  The dark oblivion of his emotions that dared him to feel, think…too cry.  His heart sinking he moved with feline grace to his room, his door closing quietly.  Sitting down he quickly lit a cigarette his hands shaking.

Aya hates me! 

Aya hated him and a light inside of Youji died.  He swallowed hard and blinked back the tears, he would not waste them, no he promised himself never to cry again.  Tears were useless and they only made him hurt more.

He called me a whore…who the fuck does he think he is too call me a whore.  At least I am not a cold bastard with a heart made out of stone Aya.

Standing Youji opened his window to look at the full moon, a single tear making its way down a golden cheek.  No more tears after tonight Youji, no more tears.  The pain will eat your insides like acid, but the pain you can deal with, it just the tears…no more tears.

He heard the gentle knock.  Ken why are you doing this to me, the last thing I need is your company.  Don't waste it on me, I am not worth it.  "Yeah!"

Youji listened as the door opened then closed softly.  Ken walking across the room towards him.  Don't come near me Ken, you betrayed me, you told Aya my secret.  "What do you want Ken?"  Surprisingly his voice was calm; no hint of hurt no hint of pain, just flat, lifeless.

Ken hesitated, how did he know…shaking his head, of course Youji would know he used to be a detective.  "I-I just wanted to see how you were."

Youji shrugged still looking out the window.  "I am fine Ken, why wouldn't I be?"  No Ken, I am not going to make it easy for you, you told Aya how I felt about him.  What did you hope to accomplish Ken?  He watched as the white smoke twirled upward reaching out like skeletal talons towards the moon.

"No reason Youji, I was…I was just asking that is all."

Youji flicked his cigarette and watched as it landed on the street below, as it was swallowed into nothing.  Things will change after tonight; no more will I pine for that crimson headed beauty.  I should have known better anyway, I should have known that he would think that I was not good enough for him, but to call me a whore.  Youji shivered saying quietly, "I am tired Ken, I will see you in the morning.  I am on the morning shift with you?"

Ken wanted to say something else, needed to say something else, he felt so guilty for slipping to Aya about what he had suspected of Youji's feelings towards the red head.  He had no idea how it slipped out in the first place.

_*Yes you do Ken, you were afraid…afraid that Youji would get to Aya first.*_

Not that it did any good; Aya looked at Ken with scorn anyway.  "Yes…um if you like I will wake you?"

Shut up Ken, don't give me your pity, I don't need it.  You have nothing to give me that I want.  "No need, I will be there on time."  He was surprised at the bitterness in his tone, but Youji did not give a damn about Ken's feelings.

"Leave me, I am tired."  Youji approached his closet and began to undress, his mind closed off from feeling or seeing.  He hated this numbness that was now entering his body.  He frowned as he realised that Ken was still in his room.  He turned around angrily, "Goodnight Ken!"  He almost screamed at him to Get Out!  It was what he really wanted to say.  He watched with cool detachment as Ken flinched at his words, but no guilt did he feel towards the younger assassin, no guilt at all.

Ken clenched his fists, hurt from the way Youji was talking to him.  What the hell was the matter with him tonight?  His anger slowly building up as Youji turned his back on him again, like he was nothing.

Striding to the door he opened it and slammed it.  I am sorry that I wasted my breath worrying about him, he doesn't deserve it, and Aya was right he is a whore.  But deep down Ken knew he was being unfair but his anger made him refuse to see it at the moment.  He just wished he had not said anything to Aya.  Now he was going to be colder than ever, if that was at all possible, towards Youji.  "Maybe I should tell Youji."

_*Go ahead if you want your head bitten of, the mood Youji was in.  His date must have been a disaster then.*_

Brushing his hand through his chocolate locks, he sighed heavily, "Fuck what a mess.  What a mess."  Tomorrow was going to be hell with those two; I can just feel it.  Aya could be such a prick sometimes and Ken wondered what the hell he saw in the guy, what they both saw in him.  But it did not change the way he felt about him.  At least he knew he was not interested in Youji.  Youji the blonde beauty who had females drooling all over him and males that he secretly met at the clubs.  Youji who could have anyone he wanted.  Well Youji you will never have Aya, and though it is a cruel thought to think I am glad that you will never have Aya.  Aya is right, you are not his type, you are not even in his league… nor are you Ken.

Frowning from his thoughts, Ken shrugged his shoulders and walked towards his own room.  He will need all his strength for tomorrow.

**************************************************

Youji poured his coffee, the look from Omi getting on his nerves.  Don't take it out on the little Chibi, he has done nothing wrong.  He does not deserve your scorn.  He forced a smile on his face and winked at the little blonde.  "Shocked to see me up so early Omi?" With lazy grace he sat down by the window and lit up a cigarette, a ritual that he goes through every day.

"Well…yes Youji-kun, but I am glad to have your company."

Dear sweet Omi, always honest and always caring.  This is one kid he could never hate or be angry at.  Inwardly he stiffened as he heard Aya coming down the stairs and struggled to maintain his control, forcing his mask to stay in place.  Looking out the window he dragged on his cigarette.  Making himself remember the words Aya had said about him, re-enforcing his mask even more.

Omi watched Youji carefully, he was different but he did not know in what way.  Smiling he turned to Aya who had paused in the doorway looking uncomfortable, his eyes squinting towards Youji.  Omi nearly laughed but knew Aya would get angry, "Morning Aya."

"Omi…Youji."  Shit I wished Ken had not told me about Youji and his feelings, keeping his face free from any kind of emotion as he walked stiffly towards the kitchen.  And what the hell was Youji doing by being up this early.  He frowned giving Youji a hasty glance.  Shit this was going to be a pain in the arse.  Damn Ken and his big mouth!

Youji just waved his hand without looking at the redhead.  If he did not see him, it would make things easier for him.  Dragging deeper and swallowing his coffee, he stood up.  "Time to go to work.  Later."  Ah Youji you should be proud with yourself, your performance was great.  He walked passed Omi and ruffled his hair.  His heart was beating wildly.  How does one turn of there feelings for someone? Time and practice.  Yes time and practice and he would drown his sorrows in young men and women.  Become the whore he has been accused of.  

Closing the door behind him, he walked down the stairs casually, blocking his thoughts for now.  He pushed his sunglasses into place as he unlocked the shop smiling, today was a new day and his feelings towards the redhead will be buried deep, because Youji knew that you just cannot switch of these feelings like a tap.  He sighed and set to work.  At least this will help keep things of my mind.

He was miles away when an attractive young girl with black hair and bright blue eyes walked into the shop, she looked about fifteen, definitely too young for you Kudoh.  He smiled at her and looked at Ken, cocking his head towards her.  But it seems the young girl only had eyes for Youji.

"Excuse me I would like a special arrangement made for my mother."  She may have been young, but she was confident and knew what she wanted.  Youji liked this about her.

"You have any particular flowers in mind."  He gave her his fifty-watt smile.  He would not flirt with her, way too young.  Wonder if she has an older sister…brother.  He smiled to himself at this, forcing Aya's image out of his head.  Damn redhead kept plaguing his mind and all bloody day.  _Prick!_

"Yes I would like the Calla Lily to be the main theme and maybe a red carnation here and there but I leave it up to you to choose any other flowers."  She hesitated and moved closer to Youji her eyes fixed on him intently.  It was right about this time that Aya entered the shop.  Youji kept his attention on the female, her eyes fascinated him.

"Would you promise me that you will do the arrangement, I-I don't want anyone else to do it but you."  Her look so serious for one so young.

He could only nod.  Why does she affect me so?  It was nothing sexual or fanciful but he felt like he should know her.  I feel sorry for her…buy why?  She had a deep sadness about her like she had the world on her shoulders.  This perturbed him.  He smiled warmly, "I will make sure that no one else but me touches it…I promise."  He hated making promises but for some reason he knew that this was one promise that he would keep.

Her hand reached out and touched Youji softly on his wrist.  He was surprised but did not flinch and waited for her to say something.

"I will pick it up tomorrow, my name is Eliza."  The look she gave him was one of trust.

He patted her hand affectionately smiling, "Tomorrow then.  Have a nice day Eliza."  And please keep safe he whispered to himself.  He was not sure but he felt danger was surrounding her.  Damn you Youji, get a grip, maybe you should take that mission, what harm will it do.  Goodness knows you need the distraction.

He watched as she left the shop, his eyes not leaving her back until she was no longer in sight.  Youji looked at the time, and he could see his shift was over but he wanted to start on her arrangement.  All the other arrangements can go to hell and wait, I will do hers first.

Without saying a word to the other two he moved to the back room, he will do it in there so he won't get in the way of Aya or Ken.  They can have each other for all he cared at the moment.  Eliza's arrangement was more important to him.  She needs me to keep this promise; she needed it so badly it was frightening to him.  "Besides Kudoh you need the distraction."  Smirking at this he busied himself checking to see that all the flowers she had asked for were available.

He was so wrapped up in the arrangement he had not realised that someone was in the room, his blond hair masking his face, his full concentration on what he was doing.  By the time I finish this it will be perfect, and if anyone damages it I will kill them.

"What are you still doing here Youji?"

Youji jumped as Aya's icy tone shook him out of his work.  Bet he thinks I am here because of him…_prick.  Well normally he would have been, but not this time.  Besides would he be in the back room.  "An order.  If you don't mind I would like to finish it today."  Now go away, you're the last person I want to see right now._

Youji cocked his head looking at the arrangement; the red carnations nestled between the Calla Lily wings.  Youji bit his lip, they looked like blood splashed upon the wings, he shivered at this thought. He was being silly.  Then why did he feel it was an omen? Now you really are being silly Youji. He looked up to Aya was still here.  "Was there something else?"

Aya gave him the death glare and left him alone…finally.

_Bastard!  Youji chuckled to himself.  That is why you liked him in the first place, because of his attitude.  Man do I have a warped sense of what I like in a person.  An iceberg with a heart of stone to boot.  Well that was over now.  Aya thinks I am not good enough for him so what can I do.  Nothing._

He put the final touches to the arrangement.  Sighing very pleased with his creation.  First time you put a lot of care and effort into your work Youji, she really got to you.  He smiled to himself.  Yes she did.  She was a sweet kid who deserved it.  Standing he put Eliza's arrangement in a refrigerator.

Humming he took his dirty apron of and hung it on the hook walking pass his team mates.  "Later."  Youji stopped in his tracks. "Oh and the arrangement is not to be touched by anyone."  Smirking he walked out of the shop not looking back once.  He will take that mission.  Nodding his head he puffed on his cigarette making his way up the stairs.

Aya and Ken watched him walking out then looked at one another.  Aya shrugged getting back to his own work.  What was so special about the girl and her order?  Whatever it was Aya had to concede that it was one of Youji's best, in fact it was damn perfect.  Beat even his best creation.  That was saying something.  Was he interested in her?  I thought he was interested in me.  Ken must be seeing things, but he knew that Ken was right.  He used to feel Youji's eyes on him, but he simply ignored it.  Why should you care if he is interested in someone else, even if she was far too young? He thought sourly.

This is all Ken's fault.  If he had of kept his big mouth shut; he would not be noticing Youji himself.  Banging his fist on the counter he ignored the look Ken gave him.

"Is everything alright Aya?"

Giving Ken a cold look he walked out to the back room.  He found what he was looking for and gasped.  "Youji this is beautiful."  His hand reached out and caressed the Calla lilies that Youji had arranged to look like Angel wings.  Frowning Aya abruptly turned from it and made up his mind to concentrate on his own work.

Briskly striding from the back room he completely ignored Ken attending to his own arrangement.  His movements swift but graceful.  He shook his head as he kept seeing Youji's face.  With annoyance he looked at Ken, saying hotly, his violet eyes like ice, "Thanks a lot Ken!"  And turned his back on him giving him the cold shoulder.

Ken stood there with his mouth open, if he had not liked Aya he would have told him what to do with himself.  "Why…What have I done?"

Aya refused to talk to him let alone look at him; he had other things on his mind.

Great just _fucking great.  I knew today was going to be hell; first Youji ignores me now Aya is and giving me the cold shoulder.  I am beginning to hate the pair of them.  He scuffed his shoe with annoyance wishing that Omi was here.  He was the only one beside himself who was not acting like a bloody jerk!_

TBC


	2. Angel Wings

I do not own the characters more is the pity but we can't have everything.  It will eventually have Yaoi content which means Male/Male love etc, if you are not into this then don't read. It is that simple. Don't bother flaming me, you have been warned.

**Eventual pairing: Aya x Youji**

**Warning: Original character – angst, death, implied sexual abuse and drug taking**

**R17: because of strong language and above warning**

Thanks **tmlange for the positive feedback.  I dedicate this to you and the anonymous critique.**

***********************************

_Huddled in the corner she covered her ears from the screaming and yelling downstairs.  Tired blue eyes watching the bedroom door with dread.  Waiting for that moment when it would open.  When he would come in.  She brushed her tears from her eyes and opened her right hand looking at the purple pills given to her by her friends._

_***Flashback***_

_"They will help you forget everything.  They will make you feel nothing."_

_With innocence she looked at her friends, "What are they?"_

_The female looked at Eliza sadly, "They call them the 'I deserve' pills."_

_"Why?"_

_"We don't know but that is what they call them outside of the club scenes."_

_***End of Flashback***_

_She stiffened as she heard someone walking slowly and menacingly up the stairs.  Quickly she swallowed three 'I deserve' pills then began to rock herself back and forth hugging her arms around her legs._

_She could feel the magic of the pills kick in fast as her mind began to float everything around her looking so peaceful and calm.  Her door opened the light from the hallway beaming on her pale face, the man looking at her with hunger and lust as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt._

_With detachment her head nodded forward as she tried to move, but her body would not listen to her brain, they seemed separate somehow, the floating sensation getting worse.  When the male spoke his words were slow and sluggish his arm raised.  The last thing she remembered was great pain on the side of her face._

**I Deserve - Part Two**

Ken. Why did he tell Aya? Was Ken attracted to Aya?  Was Aya attracted to Ken? He was getting a headache from his thoughts going around and around in his mind.  Why should he care?

You care Youji because you still have feelings for that red headed _prick!  Shaking himself he sighed and dragged deeply on his cigarette._

As for the mission it was boring as hell he had already obtained the latest designer drug on the club scene through trading charity.  They knew how to get the kids hooked on the stuff, give it away for nothing so they become addicted.  The latest trend pill, HH.  Heavenly Hell.  Apparently it had very bad side affects, but it was still not known what they were.

He kept asking himself why the mission wasn't given to a minor team but he kept shrugging it of, what the fuck do you care Kudoh, it is a mission, you are getting paid for it, and well paid at that so forget it.  In the back of his mind he knew there was more to this mission…much more.

Youji dragged deep on his cigarette again he was bored but he was not ready to go back to the apartment and face his team mates.  Especially Aya.  No matter how hard he tried he just could not get the red head out of his head.  His pale beauty and elegance.  The icy violet eyes that always looked down on him.  His hair when in the sun glowed around his head like a crimson halo.  The slender body of his team-mate with the perfect muscle tones.  Youji smirked at this, he will never get to touch that perfect body and at this moment in time, it was the only body that Youji wished to put his lips against, only body his tongue wanted to taste…only Aya…

His head shot up as a glass hit the ground.  Youji heard this over the loud music.  His assassin instincts kicked in, as he prepared to defend himself if the need arose, his hand touching his watch absently.  He frowned and looked to his right and watched as a slender youth began to dance erotically to the music.  The youth made his way towards an older male with strange silver hair, Youji could not see his eye colour not from here, but he could see the cold smirk on the mans face.  Youji shuddered; there was something about the silver haired man.  Something cold and sinister.

The older man then placed his hands on the youth's hypnotic hips, as if he was branding him, claiming him as his own.  Youji watched in fascination as the hand began to tighten and from where he was sitting it looked like a death grip yet the youth seemed oblivious to what was happening, the pain that was being inflicted by the older man.  _What the hell?!  The youth straddled him and this is when Youji turned away.  It was not his concern he had other things on his mind._

Standing up, his tight leather pants hugged his slender form accentuating his slim hips, a crop top failing to cover his perfect abs and well toned body.  His long black silk coat flowed around him when he moved, his suede boots barely making a sound as he made his way to the door.  He may as well go home now, he was not in the mood for company, and his performance in his sexual pursuit would not be that great tonight anyway.

Hell he amazed himself tonight.  He was sober and he did not have a date.  Great Youji, you are losing it.  So much for you starting over again.  He brushed his hand through his silky blonde hair, placing his sunglasses on his nose.  I am out of here.  He had one small consolation, he would see Eliza tomorrow.  He could not wait to see her reaction to the arrangement he had done for her.  And only for her.  She reminded him of an Angel.  A sad and lonely Angel.  One that he wanted to protect.  And protect her he will if he has too.

***

Ken paced back and forth in his room.  He wanted to talk to Aya he needed to talk to Aya.  His feeling for his team-mate driving him crazy.  Aya was cold to him all day and this bothered him.  "Maybe I should see if there is anything wrong with him."  He nodded his head.  Yes that's what I will do.

Having made his mind up which in normal circumstances would have taken him longer, he quickly opened his door before he lost his nerve.  Ken knew he was only panicking because he was afraid that Aya would find someone before he got the chance to ask him out.  Youji was out of the way and to Ken he was the biggest obstacle.  After hearing what Aya had thought of Youji it put his mind at rest.

Standing outside of Aya's room, Ken began to pace again.  "Take a deep breath Ken."  He breathed in deeply and exhaled softly.  "Right now do it."  He lifted his hand and knocked twice, waiting for an answer.

"_What?!"_

Ken twitched nervously.  Wouldn't be Aya if he answered nicely.

"It is me K-Ken…I-I n-need to talk to y-you."  Great going Ken, real smooth, you are stuttering.  A real turn on.

"_Why?!"_

Ken scowled this time.  Couldn't he just open the bloody door?  Is it too much to ask.  _Geez!_

"Can I come in?"  There was no way he was going to do it standing here.  Omi could come upstairs at any moment.

He heard a thump and stepped back as Aya's door opened abruptly his violet eyes flashing at him angrily.  He was only wearing a crimson pair of boxers with a tight white tank top, drops of sweat running down his neck down towards his chest.  He still held his katana in his hand.  "What is it for shits sake?!"

Blinking twice, Ken was trying to ignore the sexy image that was before him.  God Aya was beautiful and so damn gorgeous that Ken's heart began to pound.  "I…I just wanted to look…" shit Ken get a grip, "I-I mean k-know if you were alright?"  He could feel his cheeks getting hotter by the minute.  Real smooth Ken…real smooth.

A perfect crimson eyebrow arched as Aya looked at him with disdain.  "Why wouldn't I be Ken?" Impatience stamped clearly on his face, his violet depths intently watching him without mercy.

Ken felt like a butterfly pinned to a frame from Aya's stare and he began to fidget nervously.  Not quite how he wished to look in front Aya.

They both looked towards the stairway as someone came up the stairs.  Both shocked to see Youji coming towards them.  His room was right at the end.

Aya felt himself tremble at the sight.  Youji.  He looked so sad.  But the moment Aya thought it, Youji broke out into a grin that did not reach his eyes, but his sunglasses soon covered the emerald orbs, hiding them from Aya's prying eyes.

Ken smiled nervously and wanted to run for his life to his room.  Shit and double shit.  Say something, anything to get this awkward moment out of the way.

Youji stopped dead as both eyes watched him; he wanted to die and struggled to stop himself from biting his bottom lip.  He grinned then waved at them both.  "Night."  His eyes averted straight ahead, his honey hair hiding his face as he walked towards his room.  Need to get to my room, need to get away from them both.  He reached his door and grabbed the door knob gratefully.  _Sanctuary.  He opened his door and closed it softly behind him._

Watching every move Youji made, Aya cursed beneath his breath and looked at Ken coldly.  It is all _his fault!  Him and __his __big __fucking mouth!  He stepped into his room slamming the door and locking it leaving Ken standing there and wondering what the fuck had just happened._

What the _hell do I see in that guy?  Scowling Ken went to his own room and slammed the door.  Fuck what a night.  Everything was going wrong with Aya and it was starting to __piss him __off!  He had no one to blame but himself which __pissed him off even more.  As for Youji, his timing __sucks big time!  What was he thinking coming home early?  __Geez!  Any other bloody time he doesn't show up until early hours of the morning.  With frustration Ken threw his shirt to the corner of his room.  I will try again tomorrow and nothing is going to stop me…__nothing!_

***********************************

The day had passed quickly for Youji, his headache now gone.  Manx was pleased that he had obtained the HH pills and said she would inform him if there was more needed.  He shrugged at this.  He had asked her why they did not send another team and the moment she stiffened he knew there was more to this mission.  He pretended to chuckle and act casual about it as she did not say anything confirming what he already knew.

He looked up as he could feel someone watching him.  He looked around, the only one in here was Aya but he was working furiously on an order.  He made himself look away, after last night; the way Aya and Ken were standing close to one another…he shook himself and scolded himself in his mind.  Youji there are plenty of fish in the sea, but hell why would he want to go out with a fish.  He smiled at this, sometimes sayings were so stupid.

Straightening up he saw Eliza walk into the shop her face so sad and…afraid.  His eyebrows drew together as he saw a bruise on her right cheek.  He could feel his hackles get up but took a deep breath, his face softening, his emerald orbs glittering like green diamonds.  "Eliza I have finished your arrangement."

His smiled broadened as her eyes lit up happily.  "Wait here I will get it for you."

She nodded her mind taken away from her troubles for a moment.  She knew she could trust Youji.  She knew it deep within her heart.

Aya stood there watching her carefully.  What was it about her that had Youji so enthralled with her?  Never had he seen the older man take such an interest in anyone before as he did with this female.  Besides she was way too young for Youji anyway.

_You are only saying that because you are jealous Aya.  He sneered at this.  "I am __fucking __not!"  Great now you are talking to yourself._

Aya watched as Youji returned with her arrangement and waited for her reaction.  She blinked and he could see she was trying to hold back her tears.

"It is beautiful…"

"Youji.  My name is Youji."  He smiled at her, happy that he had put a smile on her face.  Shrewdly checking out the bruise on the side of her face.  He knew a hit mark when he saw one, hell he had enough of them when he was younger.

"Youji thank you very much. My mother will love this."  Her hand trembled as she caressed the Lillie's, "Angel wings…" Her voice was so soft almost a whisper as she felt her world inside of her crumble.  She swallowed not sure why this was happening to her.  She will need more of those pills, they keep her safe.  She deserves to be free from this world, this world that offered her more harm than good.  Her mother and Youji were the only two good people in her life.  Looking up at the tall blonde she spoke with adoration, "You are my Angel Youji."  Tears travelling down her cheeks.

Before he could say anything she grabbed her arrangement leaving her money on the counter and ran out the door.  Youji looked towards Aya his eyes asking him if it was okay for him to follow her.

Aya nodded not believing it.  As much as he wanted to keep Youji there he felt something about the girl, something very sad.

Smiling at Aya gratefully Youji ran after her.  There was something wrong with her and he could smell death around her.  Not physical but mentally.  Hell he had no idea where this feeling was coming from but it was there and he was going to act upon it.  He wanted no regrets where she was concerned.

_Eliza opened the car door and closed it her mother smiling, her cut lip slightly swollen._

_"Eliza it is beautiful, Angel wings."  Stroking her daughters face, "You are my Angel dear Liza."  She then started the motor.  Today was a new day.  He promised to stop beating them.  And she believed him once again._

Just in time Youji saw the car pull away and he memorised the registration number.  _Damn!  He will find out where she lives.  Manx will help him if he explained it to her.  Well he hoped she would.  Even if she didn't he had his ways of getting what he wanted, especially information.  Not an ex PI for nothing._

Pulling out a cigarette he lit it and dragged on it as he slowly walked back to the shop.  It was her tears.  He knew all about tears, how much they hurt, how much someone was suffering for the tears to start in the first place.

Flicking his cigarette he walked back into the shop, Aya looked up quickly, "Well."

"I missed her.  I think it was her mother or something but I can't be sure."

Nodding briskly Aya took a deep breath.  It was hard for him to be nice but he was going to try, saying with a wooden tone, "Would you like a coffee?"

Youji looked at him with surprise.  Aya was being nice to him.  Offering him a coffee.  Him.  Youji.  "Um…sure."

Another nod from Aya and he disappeared to get the coffee.

Stunned Youji kept staring at the space where Aya usually stood, his mouth opening and closing.  Wonders will never cease to amaze him.

Aya on the other hand was amazed himself.  His hand was shaking as he poured them both a cup of coffee.  Alright so he was slightly…and I mean minuscule slightly attracted to Youji.  Nothing to get excited about just one of those things that will pass in a few days.  Happy with that conclusion he picked up their cups, his face stoic and his eyes icy as usual.

Placing the cup down in front of the blonde he did not look at him, instead he made his way back to the counter to finish his arrangement.

They both looked up as a familiar red head entered the room, her hand locking the door to the shop.  Manx!

Aya knew it was too good to be true.  A mission and by the way she was looking a serious mission.  He nodded as did Youji, the three of them making there way upstairs.

***********************************

_She looked at the night sky through her window from her bedroom that felt more like her prison.  Her mother had promised her that he would not come again, but she has heard that lie so many times before that she had no hope left inside of her._

_"Not even Youji can save me…it is too late for someone like me."  Her head hung forlornly the pills gripped tightly in her fist.  "I am dirty, lower then any animal on the street.  Who would want someone like me after what my step father has done to me."  She cried her lonely existence too much to bear for someone so young._

_"I deserve better than this.  I deserve to be freed from this."  She opened her hand the purple pills her freedom from this time and moment for now.  Eliza smiled, "Now I know why they are called the 'I deserve' pills."_

_Opening her mouth, her friends warned her not too take more than three._

_"Why?"_

_"Not sure, brain damage or something like that."_

_Swallowing all ten of them, she did not care.  Her body was still sore from the night before and between her legs was hurting the most.  She blanked out the images that tried to force there way into her head.  The pills were working as she felt that floating sensation._

_Freedom, I feel perfect freedom.  I definitely deserve this.  She felt something growing on her back as she stood up her arms outstretched.  "Angel Wings."  She opened the balcony door wide, the night air caressing her slender form.  She breathed in deeply.  A night like this is perfect for Angels to fly.  Maybe I can visit Youji._

_Standing on the ledge she looked down only seeing plunging darkness, she shook her head and looked up seeing lights and stars.  Heaven is only a step away.  She stepped off…_

TBC

Please bear with me and Eliza, you will understand as the story progresses.


	3. Nightmares

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Weiss Kreuz characters, especially not Youji, and that is breaking my heart.**

**Warning: Mild language, mild mention of the following: sexual abuse, incest, suicide, drugs, angst etc**

**Rating: R for the above**

**Eventual pairing: Aya x Youji**

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**Nightmares.**

_'Please, please stop'.  Block it out Youji, don't think don't feel.  'I can't the pain'.  Take yourself away from this pain, from the invasion of your body.  The tears streamed down his cheeks as his body was thrust forward. The man behind him, hurting him, doing things to him that should never be done to a son by his own father._

_Block out the pain Youji, block it out, think of Angel's think of their wings enfolding you.  Think of anything but the man thrusting deep inside of you, making you bleed physically and mentally._

_Stop the fucking tears damn it, it doesn't make things better.  It gives him power over you, as if the bastard didn't have enough over you as it was.  'Son of a bitch I hate him, I hate him so much that all I can see is black when I look at the hateful bastard!'_

_More pain, as fists hit his already bruised body, until the pain became a numbing sensation.  The young boy withdrew into himself and blocked out all his senses, all his emotions, his eyes not seeing as his body was being pounded by the man who was supposed to protect him.  Darkness swamped his mind; he could not stand it in this world much longer.  The tears now stopped.  Tears only hurt more; they do not help at all._

_He blinked, as a white light blinded him, such a beautiful light.  He closed his eyes as the brightness began to hurt him, make him want to cry._

_"Youji."__  Such a beautiful voice coming from the light.  A familiar voice.  "I am free at last dear Youji."_

_Slowly in a dreamlike state he opened his eyes, the light still blinding.  The image began to focus as he gazed at a female with Angel wings.  She had a soft sad face with bright blue eyes.  "Eliza?!"_

_Her small porcelain white hands reached forward and stroked his face tenderly.  "Dear sweet Youji thank you for the flowers, they meant a lot to me."_

_Youji lost himself in her blue depths.  "Eliza why are--"_

_Her small fingers covered his mouth. "Shh I will watch over you Youji.  Just don't give up, never give up.  I promise to watch over you."_

_Eliza the Angel began to fade the light diminishing, making him blink once again, confusion in his emerald eyes._

_He started and cringed when the image of his father blocked him from the light.  "You are nothing but filth and you deserve this punishment.  You deserve this Youji because you asked for it."  The menacing laughter made him cower in the corner, the hands reaching for him, touching him again.  Oh God no, not again please.  With great strength, he started kicking and screaming, his body aching and so sore.  NO MORE!!_

His eyes snapping open Youji sat up quickly his breathing ragged.  "Shit!"  His hand shook as he reached to turn the lamp on, he cried out when he saw movement by his bed.

"Aya! What are you trying to do?  Give me a fucking heart attack!"  Youji frowned trying to calm his breathing down.  He hasn't had this nightmare for awhile.  Why was he having them again?  And why was Eliza in his dream?

"I heard you crying out."  Aya was not sure himself why he was here but there was great pain in the way Youji had cried out.  They have been together for a while and yet they really knew nothing about each other.  They all had there secrets, every one of them did.  But and this perturbed Aya, he wanted to help Youji, he wanted Youji to confide in him.

Leaning over Youji grabbed his cigarettes and lighter his hands still shaking.  "It was just a nightmare."  He slid the cylinder between his lips and lit the cigarette inhaling deeply, the calming affect almost immediate.

Aya nodded his granite mask still in tact.  Nightmares.  He knew about nightmares, they all had them.  "You want to talk about it?"  What the hell was he doing?  Was he crazy or something?

Looking with uncertainty at Aya, Youji could only stare at him dumbly.  He was surprised that Aya had offered to listen to him.  No surprised was not the word, fucking stunned better described it and it was because of this that made him answer, "yes," before he could stop himself.  He was even more stunned when the redhead sat down across from him on his bed wearing only a pair of crimson silk boxers and a white tank top.  Youji frowned looking down at his cigarette shaking his head, don't go there.

Turning to look at his team mate Aya tried hard not to stare at Youji's golden chest, he had a few scars, and his fingers itched to trace an outline around them.  He could see from where he was sitting that the skin looked very soft and smooth probably like silk.  He coughed as Youji caught him staring and he just hoped to God that Youji could not see the blush stealing across his cheeks.  "Do you mind if I have a cigarette Youji?"  Hell he needed to calm himself and the one causing the problem was his team mate.

Okay…Aya smoked.  Handing him a cigarette and his lighter Youji was seeing a side to his team mate that he never knew.  Strange really, they knew nothing about each other.  Only what they wanted each other to see, and that was basically not much at all.  He watched Aya inhale his pale chest rising and falling as he did this.  That same pale skin that he would give anything in the world to taste.  Forget it Youji, just forget it.

"What was the nightmare about?"  The sooner they discussed this the sooner he could leave and get back to the sanctuary of his own bedroom.

Choking as he dragged on his cigarette, Youji coughed and spluttered.  _Shit!  I don't want to tell him about my past.  He trembled as his fathers face flashed in his mind.  '__You deserve this Youji, you asked for it.'  He flinched as he felt someone touch his shoulder, panic rising in his chest.  "Don't touch me!"_

Aya calmly shook Youji, he knew that look.  The desperation, the self hatred, hell he stared in the mirror and saw it on his own face many times.  "Youji, look at me.  Look at me now!"

Raising his eyes slowly he swallowed hard staring into violet eyes.  Calm cold eyes.  Youji thought he would never say this to himself but he was glad of those icy depths.  They were so much a part of Aya, and he needed to identify with something that was here and now.  The warmth from Aya's hands was in contradiction to his eyes, the heat from them seemed to seep straight into his blood stream.  He then blurted out, "I was raped when I was young."  Trembling he dragged deeply on his cigarette looking everywhere but at his team mate.  He could feel the tears trying to break through but kept them at bay.  He sneered at them, useless fucking things that they were.

His hands clenched tightly on Youji's shoulder, Aya could only stare at the older assassin.  _Raped!  His throat went dry.  He was not expecting Youji to reveal something as intense as this.  It made Aya feel warm inside, a feeling he has not felt in a long time.  "How old were you?"  He spoke softly; he did not want Youji to clam up, not yet.  Unconsciously his thumb began to circle the soft flesh of his team mate, relaxing him.  His other hand holding the cigarette, he leant forward to put it into the ash tray his movements nice and slow._

Feeling comforted by this Youji sighed heavily, and closed his eyes.  "I was ten."  He shuddered, "don't ask me who he was, I can't remember."  Lies but he did not wish to say the words out loud, not about his so-called father.

Cool violet eyes gazed at Youji shrewdly.  Aya did not believe Youji and he was willing to bet that it was someone close to him who had raped him.  He understood why Youji would not want to share this with him and one day he will get it out of Youji.  If only to rid Youji of the guilt he was feeling because of the rape.  If Aya got hold of the bastard he was going to run his Katana through the prick, no questions asked.  His fingers began to massage Youji's shoulders, his skin like warm silk, so soft that it sent a thrill up his spine. "I am sorry Youji."  Surprised at the tenderness in his own voice.

He was not the only one; Youji looked at him then closed his eye as the gentle massage began to relax him.  Aya had knowing fingers giving the right amount of pressure, soothing Youji, his mind blocking out his father as another feeling rushed through his body.  He shivered and bit his bottom lip, not wanting this moment to end.  "That feels good," he murmured softly as his head rolled back leaning against his headboard.

Aya could only stare at the long neck that was beckoning him to taste it.  He swallowed hard and stopped what he was doing.  Shit, shit, shit.  Before he knew what he was doing his thumb gently stroked up the swan like perfection his eyes drinking in the shudder that shot through Youji.  _Fuck!  __Stop it!  He quickly removed his hands as Youji's emerald orbs stared at him._

Youji blinked and was not sure what was going on.  Oh he had his wishes but this was Aya and he knew he had to be practical where the red head was concerned.  The silence was becoming uncomfortable for the pair until Youji dragged his gaze away from Aya's.  He shrugged casually even though he was tense as hell now.  "I-I also dreamt about Eliza."  Youji wanted to break the tension that had suddenly sprung up between them, not sure what had started it.

"Really."  What the hell are you doing Aya?  He could not help himself it was there for the taking, the gold slender neck of Youji that he had not noticed before.  Ken I don't whether to thank you or hit you.

"Yeah it was weird she came to me as an Angel.  She said she was free and that I was never to give up because she would be watching over me."  He smiled at Aya his face glowing, "maybe I am worrying about her too much but she is so sad for someone so young."  Youji knew there was more to it than this and when he finds out who the bastard is that was hitting her he is going to pay him a quiet visit in a dark alley.

Jealousy cut through Aya.  He balked at this feeling asking brusquely, "Do you have feelings for her?"  He wanted to kick himself once the words were out but he had to know.  Why?  He was not sure yet.

Aya _was full of surprises tonight.  Youji stared at him his eyes penetrating, looking for answers in that cold granite face.  He saw nothing and was not surprised in the least.  "Yes."  He hesitated as Aya's body stiffened.  "Eliza is a sweet kid and I feel there is a lot of shit happening in her life.  I just want to protect her that is all."_

"Like a sister?"

Youji nodded, "yeah, like a sister."

Aya relaxed at these words smiling inside.  Like a sister.  It reminded him of his own sister.  One day he would tell Youji about her, he deserved to know and Aya was willing to share it with his older team mate.  Not tonight, tonight was Youji's night.  "Tomorrow I will ring Manx for her address and you and I will pay Eliza a visit."

Youji could not understand why Aya was being nice to him; the normally cold stoic leader was even going to go with him.  He knew Aya did not have to but he was glad just the same, it might stop him from killing the prick hurting her.  Youji grinned, "Sounds good to me."

Feeling embarrassed Aya decided it was time he left before he did anything else stupid tonight.  "Do you feel better?"

"Yes I do.  Thank you for listening Aya."

He shrugged.  "We better get some sleep; we have that mission to look into tomorrow as well. The sooner we start the sooner we can get the bastard and stop the drugs from hitting the schools."  Aya stood up and looked down at Youji.  He looked so vulnerable that Aya had this sudden urge to grab him and pull him into his arms and hold him tightly against his chest.  It was so overpowering he had to force himself to walk away.  "Goodnight Youji."

"Night Aya."

Stepping out the door Aya softly closed it and breathed out with relief leaning on it.  Fuck what is happening to me?  He was not sure if he felt good or bad about this feeling.  Shaking himself he walked towards his bedroom to see Ken standing there looking at him.

"What were you doing in Youji's room?"  Ken was furious.  He had heard Youji's cry and was going to investigate but all he saw was Aya walking in and closing the door behind him.  That was an hour ago.  Jealously ran through him like a knife, sharp and piercing.

Aya arched an eyebrow not in the mood for this.  "None of your damn business Ken."  His hand reached for the door handle.

"You have to watch Youji Aya; he is a great actor when he wants something."  Ken could not stop himself, he tried really hard to, but he was consumed with jealousy towards Youji and it was near killing him.

Pausing Aya looked at him coldly his violet eyes like thin slits.  "Back of Ken and leave him alone, you have no idea what is going on inside Youji's head."

"And you do?"

"No I don't."  _But I want to.  This surprised Aya but he accepted it for what it was.  Yes he did want to know what went on inside Youji's head.  Before he had thought Youji was nothing but a drunken slut, now he saw him in a different light.  Tonight Youji had shared a past with him, a painful past and Aya would never forget that.  Youji who would rather smirk and pretend everything was fine had opened up to him.  Aya the iceberg._

"I am tired, night."  He opened his door because if Ken said one more word about Youji he was going to hurt him.  Where this protective instinct for Youji came from Aya had no idea.  It was there inside him now, and not likely to be removed by anything.  He entered his room shutting his door softly refusing to look at Ken.

Once inside his room he breathed easily again.  The mission was going to be easy; they knew where to find the target because Youji had recognised him at the club he went to on his last mission.  A male with silver hair and grey eyes.  They still had to find the warehouse where the drugs were being made but they would find the place and take it down.  The school kids were being targeted this time and the drug was causing an alarming high rate in suicide.  They were still not sure what the name of the drug was called, they had thought it was the HH pills but it had nothing in them that related to the suicides.  The drugs they were looking for caused intense depression, then delusions of safety and peace.  The drug then attacked there minds making them believe they were something other than themselves making them do things.  Jumping out of windows, walking in front of moving vehicles and so on.

When they saw the pictures of the dead teenagers it shook them.  One had shot himself another had jumped out of a high building.  They were only 13 years old.  Aya was determined to find the warehouse and kill the bastard who was the mastermind behind it all.

Yawning and stretching he slid between his silken sheets, his thoughts returning to Youji.  He smiled, the last thing in his mind was Youji lying there looking vulnerable and Aya holding him in his arms tightly.

***

Ken watched with fear as different emotions flitted across Aya's face.  His anger intensified when Aya defended Youji.  He scowled at this wanting to march into Youji's room and have it out with him.  He took a deep breath to stop himself; he knew that if he pissed Youji of enough he would be in deep trouble.  He had to do something.  Youji did not deserve Aya.

Stalking back to his own room Ken decided that he would approach Aya and tell him about his feelings.  He was in love with Aya and has been for awhile.  Perhaps that is what Aya needed, someone to tell him that he was loved.  Ken hoped it was anyway.  He would tell him after the mission.

When Aya went into mission mode he switched himself off from everything else.  Even Youji had this habit.  The two older assassins worked great as a team and sometimes Ken was jealous of that comradeship but never interfered with it.  It was good for the team that they could work together like this.  Besides once they arrived home everything was back to normal, Aya disliking Youji and Youji trying his hardest to piss the leader off.

Ken had to smile at this, he admired Youji for that, he was the only one brave enough to goad Aya to the point of explosion.  Youji would then smirk and leave the explosive Aya standing there ready to kill someone.  It took Omi too calm him down, Ken usually helped as well, but then Aya would tell them both to piss off and storm into his room.

Ken wondered at first why Youji did this and began to watch him.  That was when he discovered that Youji was attracted to Aya.  The soft looks he gave Aya when he thought no one was watching.  But someone was watching and Ken could see that the older assassin had feelings for the redhead and this had made Ken panic.  So he told Aya.

What the hell, just go to sleep Ken and sort it out tomorrow.  Everything will work out in the end.  You'll see.  But he kept on seeing Aya's face when he first walked out of Youji's room.  Faraway and confused.  He punched his pillow fiercely just get to sleep Ken tomorrow you will do what you should have done ages ago.

_Across town a scream could be heard, a broken body being held in protective mother's arms._

_Guilt and anger overwhelmed the female as she held the daughter who did not deserve to die like this._

_Anything but this.___

TBC


	4. The Angel has flown

**Disclaimers: I do not own the characters of Weiss Kruez, Takehito Koyasu, Tsuchiya Kyoko, Shinshokan and others do.  This story is from ****my head and there is no way that they would even think of doing this with their characters.**

**Warning: Sensitive issues in this chapter.  The same as the other chapters.**

**Pairing: Aya x Youji**

**Rating: R**

**Spelling: NZ English same as UK English**

**Authors Note: This chapter is dedicated to the following - ****Kurai****-Chan thank you very much for the positive email you sent me.**** Pink bunny mentioned that I did not have much on Omi in my last chapters, so this is for you *smiles* I feel Omi is the brains of the team and the most intelligent. *grins* I love all four of them but Youji is my favourite. Thanks to ****Rue-chan for your lovely review I await for the lyrics of the song you suggested. ****Tmelange I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

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**The Angel has flown.**

Omi walked down the stairs the smell of waffles cooking caressing his nostrils.  He frowned, who would be up before him besides Aya and it would definitely not be him cooking breakfast for any of them.  Then that only left Ken or Youji.  Omi chuckled at this.  Youji…not likely.

He walked towards the kitchen smiling, "Morning Ke…Youji!?"  He froze his blue eyes the size of saucers.  Two days in a row now but this was it just was not Youji.

The older man placed a false smile on his face dark circles under his eyes, after Aya had left last night he did not get much sleep.  First he could not stop thinking about his team mate and why he was helping him and when he did manage to get to sleep, he kept on having nightmares…his fathers face.  He shivered turning back to the waffles his full concentration on stopping his hand from shaking.  His past forcing itself on him again…

_…the look of ecstasy on his fathers face as he buried himself inside of Youji's smaller body, the groans and moans as he held his sons arms above his head, making him watch every movement his father made.  The self hatred at the betrayal of his own body as his father's other hand grasped his penis and began to stroke it in time with his thrusting motions the blood rushing through his body.  How could she leave me like this?…how could that bitch hand me over to…_

"Youji?"  Omi hesitantly walked towards him; there was something wrong he could sense it.  His slender hand reached out and touched Youji's wrist…

Youji flinched snatching his hand away from Omi's touch snapping angrily, "Don't fucking touch me!"  His breathing uneven.  What was happening to him? Why was he being haunted by his damn past?  He felt suffocated and needed to get out of here looking around him wildly.

Omi watched helplessly his hands tightly clasped together.  "Youji I-I did not mean to…"

"Omi it is alright."  Aya walked in his voice deep and cool but welcomed by both team mates.  Aya watched Youji's bent head intently, concern rushing through him for his older team mate.  He stopped in front of Youji forcing him to look at him.

"But Aya I did not mean to upset Youji."  Omi felt terrible the look of hatred that Youji gave him cut through him like no real knife could.

"You didn't."  Placing his hands on Youji's shoulders, Aya shook him gently understanding in his violet eyes.

Looking at the red head, emerald depths closed then flickered staring intently into the eyes of Aya's as calm ran through him once again.  Youji sighed he really had to sort himself out this was getting out of hand when his nightmares carried on through his waking moments.  Aya wouldn't always be there.

Youji felt bereft when those pale slender hands left his shoulders.  Shrugging Youji turned to look down at Omi apologising softly, "Sorry Omi I was miles away."  He smiled at the little Chibi feeling regret that he had made Omi feel unhappy.  He respected the younger boy more than anyone would ever know.  He was like a younger brother he never had.  "It was nothing you have said or done…believe me." He tapped the side of his head to reinforce this.

Omi let out a shaky breath in understanding.  They all understood this, the demons they all carried inside of them.  A smile wavered on his lips.

Nodding Youji reached out to caress the little Chibi's cheek, his friend and brother.  He smiled more as Omi grinned, he was forgiven.  He could not stand it if his team mates never forgave him.

Watching this scene Aya knew he should not be having thoughts of grabbing Omi by the throat and flinging him across the room as jealously sang through his veins like a vicious song.  Thoughts of grabbing Youji's caressing fingers and placing them on his own cheek.  But the thoughts were there all the same and there was nothing he could do about them.  His face clenching he swallowed to calm himself down before he acted upon them, his hands fisted tightly.  Youji was his!  His eyes flickered slightly at this and before he could stop himself he snapped out Youji's name, "Youji!"  He had to stop Youji from stroking Omi's cheek somehow.

Both of them looked at the red head puzzled.

Omi stared at him shrewdly but only received ice daggers back from those violet blue depths.  Thoughtfully Omi stepped away from Youji and could see that Aya was breathing a lot easier from that simple action, his hands unclenching.  Omi then moved towards the waffle machine, the tension thick enough to slice through it.  Omi could not believe that Aya had feelings for Youji and was jealous of him...Omi.  It was unmistakable the emotion Aya was feeling so blatant even if the Ice King did not want to admit to it.  Omi smiled to himself, silly Aya, Youji was like a brother to him and Youji felt the same way besides if anything Youji was more interested in the red head.  They would be good for each other once they work out what they feel for each other.  He chuckled at this, they maybe older but that did not make them wiser, they were far too stubborn the pair of them.

Youji turned towards Aya his fingers lifting to brush against Aya's own stiff hand.  It fascinated him to see the Ice King like this, the way he snapped at him for no apparent reason.  Youji had thought that Aya would slap his hand or snatch his hand away as if he was burnt but instead he fooled him by letting him touch him, warm silky skin against warm satin skin being caressed gently sending an electrical sensation up there arms that they both stepped back quickly gasping.  They were only glad that Omi had his back turned from them.  Both confused with the way they were now reacting with one another.

Aya recovered first by coughing to clear his throat and whatever else was happening to him surprised at how calm he sounded after the gentle touch of Youji's.  "I have that address we wanted.  We can go after breakfast."

"Sure that sounds good to me."  Youji was trying to keep his head, no false hopes for him where Aya was concerned it was the last thing he needed at this time.  _Then what had just happened?  I don't know…I just don't know but it felt wonderful._

Aya was of the same mind as he left the kitchen, the touch of his team mate still burning an impression on his hand.  He lifted the limb staring at it intently as if it would reveal to him the secret that was eluding him.  Could it be that his feelings for Youji were more than miniscule?  His hand dropped quickly as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

Looking down Ken stared straight into Aya's eyes and for a brief second he saw an emotion that shocked and scared him.  The look of fascination burning in the violet depths…and it was not for him.  With a determined look Ken lifted his chin in the air.  It is now or never, if he waited any longer it could be too late.  "Morning Aya can I speak to you for a moment?"

With impatience Aya shook his head, "It will have to wait.  Youji and I will be leaving soon."  He carried on up the stairs heading for his room his mind still on the sweet touch of Youji's.  Sweet?!

Ken watched his every movement a frown etched deeply between his eyes.  Youji.  Why is it that the blonde is always interfering with his plans?  He was getting really pissed with the blonde.  Stomping down towards the kitchen he stepped back wide eyed.  Youji.  So that is why Aya was looking the way he did. Surely Aya wasn't beginning to feel anything for this blond headed bimbo.

Looking up Omi smiled, "Morning Ken.  Waffles?"

Youji nodded towards him, "Ken."  Then walked passed him lighting a cigarette as he sat down looking out the window.  His waffles he did not touch.

"Morning Omi, Youji."  Ken looked at the older man slyly trying to gauge what mood Youji was in.  Damn Youji and his bloody smile, everyone knows it is a mask that he constantly wore in front of them.

Omi tilted his head staring at Ken, "Waffles Ken?"  Now what is going on?  Ken looks angry at Youji!  His team mates are going to drive him crazy if this keeps up.  But why would Ken be angry with Youji?  With his jaw set with determination Omi was going to find out what was on Ken's mind and didn't care how he found out.

"Er, yes Omi I am hungry."

Handing Ken a plate full of waffles and syrup Omi watched him carefully making his eyes wide with innocence.

Ken sat down across from Youji cutting into his waffle and spooning it into his mouth.  Swallowing he looked at the blond, "So what are you doing today Youji?"

Smiling Youji replied, "Just visiting a friend today."  He puffed on his cigarette and exhaled slowly.  He couldn't wait to see Eliza, to see if she was safe and out of harms way, his dream of her being an Angel was troubling him.  Omen?  Fuck he hoped not.  Pushing his plate away from him he stood up stubbing out his cigarette he had to know if she was safe and now!  "I will catch with you later."  Picking up his plate he placed it on the bench smirking at Omi, "Keep out of trouble while I am gone chibi."  Youji laughed when Omi's expression turned sour.

Omi could not help but smile he was only glad that Youji was smiling and happy again.  "I am not the one who should keep out of trouble. Oh and Youji--"

Pausing Youji looked over his shoulder, "what?"

"Tell Aya I will be looking into the American's profile after our shift.  I should have some answers for him then."

Youji nodded, the silver haired male named Aiden.  The one he had to get close to, that was going to be hard he did not look like a fool.

Ken watched him leave anger simmering below the surface.  Why the hell was Aya going with him to see a friend?  Aya hated friends.  He hated people in general full stop!  So why?  Was his plan backfiring to bite him in the arse?  He had thought by telling Aya it would be the end of Youji.  God it was starting to give him a headache but it was having the opposite affect and it made him feel hurt inside.  His bottom lip trembled as he ate another waffle his thoughts doing nothing but giving him pain.

*****

Youji could only stare at the magnificent house in wonderment.  He had not realised that Eliza was wealthy.  He turned to Aya, "Are you sure this is the right address?"

Aya ignored him and walked up the elegant pathway, this was the right place there sources were never wrong.  Anyway it looks like Eliza has rich parents.  He did not like this one bit, something was wrong here.  He frowned giving Youji a sidelong glance, his feelings for the beautiful blond puzzling.  He wanted to hold him in his arms and protect him from the world, his past and maybe the future.  Stopping by the door, he motioned for Youji to knock and smirked as he saw Youji shake that silky hair of his about to argue with him but then changed his mind knocking briskly.

With impatience Youji knocked again but louder.  What the hell is going on in there?  He knew someone was home and this feeling that was gripping at him was making him panic.  Eliza please be safe, please for me.

The door slowly opened to reveal a female with black unruly hair, red swollen eyes, her lip split.  She looked at the two staring back at her, the red head then the blonde.  Recognition flashed in her eyes as she stared into the emerald orbs.

Confused Youji glanced at Aya with the 'I swear I have never seen this woman before' look.  It was obvious she was Eliza's mother or relation, because the bright blue eyes of Eliza's was staring at them with wariness.

Pulling himself together Youji took a deep breath, "I am sorry to bother you but I was wondering…"

"Youji?"

Both men started as she spoke his name.  Well at least he did not feel like such a pervert he was not in the mood to explain who he was he just wanted to see Eliza.  His eyes scanned the females face his own hardening.  The cut lip, the bruises on her neck as if someone tried to strangle her.  She was the mother.  He flinched at this his eyes becoming cold and his tone icier, "Where is Eliza?"

Aya looked at him with surprise.  This did not sound like Youji; he was always a gentleman with the females.

The female trembled as she fought back the tears.  This is the man who made her daughter happy, the one she trusted the only man she ever trusted in her life.  The photos she had taken secretly of him, how she secretly watched him from the distance, the notes in her diaries about how she thought he was a golden Angel with emerald eyes.  Her saviour.

"Is she home?"  Youji's heart was beating faster than normal as he fought to control his emotions.  _Eliza!  You are gone aren't you?  I can't feel your presence here in this world.  He felt a lump in his throat.  Why should he care about her?  How could someone he hardly knew affect him so badly that his world was beginning to crumble because he was too fucking late to save her?_

"She died last night."

Just like that, _she died last night.  Youji stiffened, "How?"  He watched the female with icy detachment her changing emotions he sneered at.  He could not explain the anger he felt for this woman but it was there swirling like a black mist in his soul.  He felt pure hatred because she reminded him of someone he hated more than his father._

"That is none of your business."  Her guilt almost strangling her.

Something inside of Youji snapped his face snarling, "You're the fucking mother where the hell were you when she was being beaten up.  Conveniently not home were you, better yet downstai…"

The cracking sound as she hit his face stopped what Youji was about to say.  Aya stepped in front of the woman not sure what was going on with his team mate, whatever it was it was slowly eating away at Youji's self control.  He looked at the female coolly, "You will have to excuse my friend Mrs…?"

Taking a deep breath Angelina only felt more guilt by what Youji had said because he had only spoken the truth.  She was too afraid to fight for her daughter…so afraid that he would end up killing them both.  _But he killed Eliza anyway didn't he?  __He may not have been there but he was the cause of her unhappiness.  The reason she took those pills.  She shook herself looking at the red head, "Mrs Kraydon.  I think it would be best if you two left."_

Youji turned from her saying softly, "I hope you can live with yourself Mrs Kraydon."  He had to hold himself together he will find out what the hell happened and then he was going to return and kill the bastard who was responsible for her death.

Aya just nodded at the female feeling sorry for her, he watched as she shrunk backwards from Youji's parting words.  He would check out her profile and see if he can get any information on how Eliza died.  Not because he was curious he was doing this for Youji.  He watched as the blond stood by his Porsche trying to light a cigarette his hand shaking making this simple task impossible.

Sighing Aya grabbed the lighter and lit Youji's smoke for him putting the lighter into his own pocket saying quietly, "What was that all about Youji?"

Dragging on his cigarette deeply, he held his breath for a moment then exhaled the smoke slowly as a single tear rolled down his cheek.  Angrily he wiped it away his body trembling.  He could not answer Aya because the words would choke him.  He felt a slender arm wrap around his waist pulling him closer to a warm body the chill in his soul afraid to feel anything.  Then another arm pulled his head down into the neck and shoulder of his team mate.  Youji was lifeless in Aya's embrace, his eyes swimming with tears that he hated so much.  The pain inside of him as he blamed himself for being too late to save her.  She was so fucking young and beautiful and she did not deserve to die.  Biting his bottom lip until it bled his own arms wrapped tightly around the slender form of Aya, hot tears burning his face.  She was so young.  These words kept repeating inside of his head.  Mothers are supposed to love and watch over there children, the tears tumbling faster as he tried to stop himself from sobbing.

Aya clung to Youji the feel of his body against his so right and perfect.  He was not a human contact person not since the death of his parents but this was so right.  He felt his team mate shudder against him, the pain transferring from Youji to him that he began to stroke the blonde's hair whispering softly.  "I am here for you Youji; I am always here for you."  He kept repeating them like a mantra to let Youji know that he meant them.  Aya began to tremble himself this feeling overwhelming him and frightening him in the same breath.  He turned his face into the locks of the blonde breathing in the smell of Youji, his silky hair of honey caressing his senses.  He knew he should stop himself but he couldn't his lips pressing to the silky tresses, the sensation erotic as his lips brushed it again.  He whispered, "Youji," soft and husky.

Lifting his head Youji stared down at Aya wonderment in his stare.  His heart skipped a beat as Aya's graceful hand wiped the tears from his cheeks, so gentle and soft, icy eyes showing another emotion that Youji was finding hard to decipher.

They both gazed at each other deeply searching for that indefinable emotion that had enthralled and bewildered them making them afraid to hope that this feeling was not just one sided.

Aya was about to lift his hands and place them around Youji's neck when a cough startled them and parted them quickly.  Aya's heart beating faster than normal he turned to see Mrs Kraydon standing there looking at Youji warily.

"I-I am sorry to disturb you but--" she bit her lip lifting her hand up, her fingers unfurling to reveal three purple pills.

Youji looked from her to the pills and back to her face again, "did she take these be--"  He frowned, he had to know what had happened to her, his voice soothing though it almost choked him, "how did she die Mrs. Kraydon?"

Grabbing Youji's hand and squeezing it Aya stood by him silently watching the female intently.  He only hoped that she would tell them everything; this could have something to do with their mission.  He had never seen them before.

Tears trailing down her cheeks Angelina decided that she would do this one last thing for her daughter no matter what happened.  Taking a deep breath, head held high, images flashed like a cruel reminder as she remembered the broken body of her daughter that was twisted and deformed on the concrete, her blood splashed around her head like a red halo.  With a shaky breath she spoke softly, "she stepped of the balcony last night after taking these pills."

Suicide!  Youji coldly nodded his head, with determination his eyes glinted dangerously, are these the drugs they are looking for?  Youji was sure they were.  When he finds the ones making these drugs they were going to pay.  He was now in mission mode. "Do you mind if we take these pills?"

Shaking her head she handed them to Youji.  "I found these in her drawer I am not sure where she got them from or how long she has been using them."

Taking them and handing them to Aya Youji cringed when Angelina grabbed his hand; he tried to pull away from her tight grip trying not to panic.  He stilled when she spoke pleadingly.

"Promise me Youji to find them, the ones who are responsible for the pills…please."

"Alright Mrs Kraydon but I am doing this for Eliza not for you."  Gently removing his hand from her grip he stepped back, he would go to the club tonight.  The mission starts now.

Aya knew that look it was the same look he gave when he was in mission mode, he smiled to himself.  "We have to go if you find out anything more Mrs Kraydon please call us."  Writing the shops number on a small piece of paper he then handed it to her.  "Just ask for Youji or Aya."

"Alright."  She had done something right for once in her life she was sure of it.  I will find out what I can to help them.  These young men were different, so different from florists.  She watched as they settled into the Porsche and drove away never looking back once.  She must not let her fiancée know what she had done, he would be very angry.  But she did not mind now, he will never hurt her daughter ever again.

*********************************************************************************************************

**Two days later.**

Youji stared up at the dark sky impatience eating at him.  Manx said they were to wait before they were to make any moves.  Inhaling deeply on his smoke he then flicked the cylinder out his bedroom window.  He smirked that did not stop him from going to the club though.  Strangely the target was not there which was frustrating and what was even stranger Aya let him go.

Aya.

They were different together now.  Youji smiled he was sure that Aya was about to kiss him the other day.  God Youji hoped he was because he would have responded.  To have Aya hold him so close to him, his scent of expensive cologne and pure Aya made his head whirl just remembering.  The way there bodies clung to one another, the touch of Aya's perfect lips against Youji's own hair, made him blush with…

Aya knocked on Youji's door and entered.  "Youji Manx has given us the go ahead."

Relieved Youji grinned.  "They were the pills weren't they?"

"Yes and that is not all, the club is involved somehow."  Aya smirked as Youji's emerald eyes lit up, "yes Ecstasy Moon is involved and the designer drug I Deserve started circulating there first and has been released into the schools for the last three months."

"Do we know who the owner of the club is?"

Shaking his head Aya answered, "no, not yet.  Omi is still trying to figure out who this Aiden creep is, he covers his tracks well.  Don't worry we will get him with your help."

"Good, you know I will do anything Aya, I want this bastard…badly!"  His green eyes glittered dangerously like a predator hunting his prey.

Aya shivered a tingling sensation running up and down his spine making him breathe quickly.  Pull yourself together Aya, mission first.  "I know I can rely on you Youji.  Ken, Omi and I will investigate an old warehouse that Omi has discovered.  It could be nothing but we will check it anyway while you are at the club."

"When?"

Aya smirked again, "No time like the present don't you think?"

Chuckling Youji agreed.  "I will get ready now."

Nodding once Aya turned to leave then hesitated.  "Come and see me on the roof before you leave Youji."  With that he left Youji's room with determination.

"Sure."  Youji shrugged.  He was thankful that he already had a shower looking through his wardrobe for the right outfit to wear tonight.  He had to look his best, but that is not hard is it Youji.  He chuckled wondering why Aya wanted to see him on the roof.  Let it go Youji and just get ready.  This is for you Eliza …all for you.

TBC

**Authors Note: So sorry about the sap but it is the mood I am in hopefully I will be out of it soon.**


	5. Mission's

**Disclaimers: I do not own the characters of Weiss Kruez, Takehito Koyasu, Tsuchiya Kyoko, Shinshokan and others do.  This story is from ****my head and there is no way that they would even think of doing this with their characters.**

**Warning: Angst, very sensitive issues in this chapter especially the end bit, some blood…not much, drug usage and attempted suicide.**

**Pairing: Aya x Youji – (one sided) Ken + Aya**

**Rating: R**

**Authors Note: Two more chapters and it is finished.  Lemon will be in the last chapter.**

****************************************************************************

Looking in the mirror Youji smiled at his reflection.  He looked good, alright he looked sexy wearing black leather pants and boots, a white lacy top and a white long silky coat that when he moved swirled around his tall slender form.  Grabbing the lip gloss he lightly dabbed his pink lips, the scent of strawberry caressing his nose.  He pouted his lips and smirked, they had a wet inviting look about them.

His long slim fingers combed through his honey blond hair that was shining and felt soft to his touch.  He sighed trying not to think about the silver haired male and what he had to do, they had to find those responsible for the drugs somehow, besides he was really doing this for Eliza.

He tilted his head to one side, his eyes fixed on a ghostly image in the mirror a soft voice whispering his name, "Youji…" he froze, "Eliza?!"

Turning quickly in the direction he saw the image he saw there was nothing there, he frowned, "must be seeing things."

He stood there silently but shook himself, it was nothing and besides he had to go now. First he had to see the leader then of to the club Ecstasy Moon.  His right hand reached over to his left wrist touching his watch, he was ready.

Walking down the stairs he could see that Omi and Ken were both ready and no doubt waiting for Aya, he winked at them both opening the door.

"Youji keep safe."

Smiling Youji looked at Omi, "I will, you watch yourself too…both of you."  His eyes settled on Ken and he could see that he was not looking very happy at the moment, he shrugged his shoulders, haven't got time to worry about it now maybe later.

Humming as he shut the door he ran up the stairs, he wanted to get this night over and done with.  On reaching the rooftop he could see Aya standing there and his heart skipped a beat, a soft light glowing, outlining Aya's slender figure, his eyes trained on Youji.  Alright Youji pull yourself together and forced a smile on his face to cover his other feelings.

"I am ready to go now Aya."  He was only glad that he sounded normal and not like a love sick fool, he chuckled to himself as he approached the red head.

Standing beside him Youji was feeling a little nervous, Aya just stood there looking at him not saying a word.  Clearing his throat he turned to say something, "Ammph--" his eyes widened, his heart hammering against his chest as soft lips moved against his own making his blood rush to his head, slender fingers combing through his hair gently caressing his scalp.

Aya could not help himself, for the last half hour he has been standing out here waiting for Youji not really sure why he told him to see him before he left, his nerves playing havoc with him as he warned himself not to do anything stupid.  It all went out the window when Youji appeared looking like a beautiful Angel that words were just impossible for him so he did the next best thing.  He kissed him.

Trembling Youji pulled himself together and finally responded his arms wrapping around Aya's trim waist pulling him closer to his body, he gasped as he could feel Aya's tongue slowly licking his lips and began to suck on his bottom lip gently.  _Oh God!  He felt his toes curl as the heat rushed through him a soft moan escaping._

Aya tasted strawberry as his moist tongue hungrily licked and sucked the generous morsel of Youji's bottom lip, all for his taking, pleased that this feeling was not one sided.  Like a conqueror his tongue pushed against Youji's mouth his hand gripping his hair tightly making the blond gasp and parting the lips so he could dip his tongue to deepen the kiss.  Aya had not meant for it to go this far but he could not help himself, he tasted wonderful, cigarettes and strawberry a strange combination admittedly, but it was all Youji, and it was all his.

All Youji could do was whimper feeling Aya's wet muscle invade him licking every inch of the inside of his mouth, prodding the back of his throat making his head swirl with desire as he was consumed by the redhead.

Sinuously like a snake Aya swirled his tongue sucking on Youji's hungrily his blood rushing to his lower region.  _Hell that is all he needed.  Nipping Youji's muscle he reluctantly relinquished his mouth pulling back, the need for air becoming imminent._

Breathing heavily they both looked into each others eyes looking for a sign.  Youji opened his mouth to say something but Aya covered his lips with his fingers, "Don't say anything, we have a mission to do but--"

Youji smiled as he could see his younger team mate hesitate, something he thought he would never see but at this moment Youji did not care staring into the violet gaze.  Aya had kissed him…Youji and it was not a 'lets be friends kiss' either but a 'I want you kiss' and that is all he could think about for now.

"When we get back tonight we will talk then."  Aya's eyes flickered as he drowned in the emerald sea depths of Youji not believing what he was saying or doing.  Not so long ago his feelings towards Youji were not positive in fact he couldn't stand him, somehow that had all changed and if he was honest he had Ken to thank for this.  If it wasn't for him he would not have opened his eyes to really look at the man named Youji and to seek behind the mask that he was prone to put in place whenever they were around.

That one moment Youji had shared a dark past with him made Aya feel warm inside, a feeling that connected the two of them together and Aya would kill anyone who dared take that away from him.  Youji was his now and he has laid claim to this beautiful Angel who was not aware of it but who assuredly belonged to him.  Aya Fujimiya.

Pulling Youji towards him again Aya brushed his lips gently then stepped back smirking, "time to go."  Aya turned around then stopped his back to Youji, "be careful Youji."  He then walked away.

Youji watched him smiling his heart expanding his hand trembling as he lit a cigarette; he was looking forward to seeing Aya tonight.

Looking up as he lit his cigarette he saw something move, walking towards the doorway he stopped with surprise.  "Ken!"

Ken was shaking as the jealously ran through him, Aya had kissed Youji…fucking bloody Youji and he was angry.  The blonde bimbo did not deserve to have someone like Aya, the pale redheaded beauty.

"Youji I saw you kissing Aya."  It was hard for Ken to contain his anger and jealously, he was finally pushed over the edge and he had made up his mind that Youji was not going to have him.  Aya was his and the sooner the blond figured this out the better.

Shrugging Youji inhaled on his cigarette slowly exhaling his eyes squinting, "It is none of your business Ken that is between Aya and me."  Youji's verdant gaze swept across the younger assassins face shrewdly, noticing the flushed cheeks of anger, the glittering eyes of…of jealously!  Why had he not noticed this before?  Ken was in love with Aya.

"You want to know something Youji, you do not deserve him, he deserves someone that does not have too much of a past--"

Youji stiffened his emerald orbs glittering angrily, "Ken what has the past got anything to do with this and what fucking business is it of yours anyway?!"

"Youji you're a slut! Ompff--" Ken doubled over in pain as Youji hit him in the stomach.

Gasping for breath, anger and jealously blinding him Ken stared at him coldly, "you can hit me as much as you like Youji but it still doesn't hide the fact that you are.  How many men and women have you slept with?  And what about your past?  The past that none of us know about but you!"

Turning away Youji bit his lip as he tried to control his anger, a memory forcing itself upon him_.  The one where his father was stroking his penis roughly and how he whimpered with a moment's pleasure as he came into his own fathers' hand, this memory making him shudder with disgust at himself.  Was Ken right?  And how would Aya handle knowing that he, Youji succumbed to his own father like that?_

"See, you can't answer it can you Youji?"

Closing his eyes Youji forced the memory out of his head, maybe Ken was right.  Maybe Aya deserved someone who wasn't as dirty as he was but did that mean that Ken was any better?  He felt a hot stinging sensation behind his eyes and turned facing the dark haired teenager blinking them back, he was not about to break down in front of Ken.

"Do you love him Youji?"

Youji froze not sure how to answer that.  Did he love Aya?  Emotions stirred inside of him like a whirlpool making him sway, did he love him?  Whenever he saw the redhead his heart would skip a beat, his voice alone sent shivers up and down his spine and now his kiss…his kiss licked like fire through him, consuming him, burning him, overwhelming him and it felt heavenly.  Did he love Aya?  God why can't he answer this?  _Because you are afraid to think it, feel it, afraid to love again._

He closed his eyes briefly and opened them again looking wearily into Ken's darker gaze, his emerald depths completely blank, refusing to give Ken the answer he wanted instead he smirked, "Do you?"

Taking a deep breath Ken stared straight into Youji's eyes, "Yes…I-I have for a while now.  Aya needs someone with stability Youji he deserves that, what he doesn't need is someone who can't decide if he loves him or not, what he doesn't need is someone who shags anything on two le--"

Grabbing Ken by the scruff of the neck his grip tightening Youji bit his lip to control his anger, he tasted his own blood, watching Ken's eyes widen with fear, coughing trying to breathe.  _What are you doing Youji?  He let him go and watched as Ken dropped to the ground anger and hurt shining out of his emerald depths, "You want to know something Ken, everyone deserves some happiness in there life…even those with a past!"_

Warily Youji caressed his forehead, he was getting a headache and had to keep his mind clear for the mission but Ken's words were nagging him as doubt began to eat away at him like acid.  Turning away from the younger man Youji strode away saying softly, "even I deserve some happiness."

Walking blindly down the stairs he flinched as someone grabbed his hand and gazed into the eyes of the man he had deep feelings for.  God Youji you are pathetic, you can't even think how you really feel for him.  "Aya?"

Concerned Aya moved closer to Youji, "is everything alright Youji?" his eyes sweeping across the blondes intently, something was bothering him, he glanced up the stairs to see Ken standing there watching silently.

Swallowing as he nods, Youji forced a smile on his face, "yeah I'm fine Aya.  I better get going," squeezing the redheads hand gently.

"Alright, just keep safe for me," not believing him for a moment as he stared at Ken coldly.  Aya leaned forward his lips capturing Youji's, his tongue slipping inside of his mouth and swirling a smile playing around his lips, he could kiss Youji all night and he will when this mission was over.  His heart beating faster than normal he could feel heat burning on his cheeks as he stepped back to let Youji pass, watching his slender form disappear into the darkness with concern.  _What happened between Youji and Ken?_

Aya turned and looked up at Ken his eyes like ice his words even colder, "if anything happens to him Ken I will blame you personally."  He abruptly turned away fuming he was not sure what was going on with Ken but whatever it was it involved Youji and he would fight all the demon's from hell to keep Youji safe from harm.  Youji was his to protect and to embrace and he would fulfil this duty everyday if he had to.  Youji was not going to suffer while he was around.

Ken followed Aya his thoughts on what Youji had said.  _Was Youji right?  Ken closed his eyes his heart breaking at the way Aya had kissed the blonde, the tenderness that shone out of Aya's eyes for Youji, the tenderness he wished that Aya would show him.  God he loved him so much it was eating away at him slowly and there was nothing he could do to stop it, Aya's words echoing inside of his head, guilt starting to rear its ugly head._

Tonight was going to be a long night for them all.

*****************************************************************************

**Youji's ****Mission******

The music that Youji usually enjoyed was very loud tonight making his headache worse and he just couldn't concentrate.

Ken's words kept nagging him, depressing him more, he was a slut a whore even Aya had said as much, hell he admitted it himself but he would give it all up for Aya, no, has given it up.  He was tired of the mindless sex he put himself through; he only did it because he was lonely.

_Fuck Youji you are a pathetic loser sometimes and Aya does not need that in his life.  Shit they all have a nightmare past and Aya was no exception, the last thing the red head needed was to carry around someone else's garbage and Youji had plenty stored away deep inside of him._

What he would do for a drink, if he wasn't so damn paranoid he would have one but this place was giving him the creeps, something was going to happen and if it wasn't for Aya relying on him to track Aiden he would have walked out ages ago.  His instincts were never wrong.

Slipping of the stool he made his way to the dance floor_.  Just be on your guard Yotan and accept no drinks from anyone.  He felt for his watch making sure it was there, comforted each time he touched it.  __I hope Aya and the rest are alright._

Moving his body in time to the music he slyly looked around the room until he found what he was looking for, the target.  _Now to do what I have been avoiding since I have been here._

With sensual movements he danced, bodies gyrating all around him, closing in on him.  He felt himself being pushed forward then a sharp sting in his arm as he stumbled.  "What the fuck?!"

He quickly felt his arm not liking this one bit, this night was turning out to be a nightmare, heated bodies still dancing around him the music beginning to echo inside his head.

Shaking his body he tried to make his way to the exit, to get away but he was feeling drowsy his body starting to go numb.  He gasped as he suddenly stood in front of the target his eyes blinking rapidly the room swirling as his hands shot out to grab hold of something.  He felt steel arms wrap around his body, cold grey eyes burning into his own eyes as the world began to pitch into darkness.  _Fuck I've been drugged…_

******

Darkness.  Nothing but cold darkness, his body lying on a hard mattress.  _Where am I?  His eye opened to tiny slits.  It looks like a basement of some kind. _

He shivered and tried to move but there was something stopping him, voices whispering but he could not make out what was being said his head throbbing.  He groaned and winced as a sharp prickling feeling shot up his arm.

"Not too much, Aiden wants to try something on this guy before we ditch him."

"Who is he anyway?"

Shoulders shrugged, "How the fuck would I know."

"He certainly is pretty to look at," a rough hand stroking Youji's cheek, calloused fingers that made Youji's skin crawl.

"Hey you two the boss wants you to head out to the warehouse now!"

"Yeah yeah we were just making sure that pretty boy here can't move?"

"Just shut it and get moving that batch has to leave tonight."

Youji cringed as he felt big rough hands slipping under his lacy top.

"Never mind lovely one the boss will be with you soon.  It's a shame that I have to go otherwise we could have played a little together."  The male then started to lick his face with long hard strokes, low guttural sounds issuing from his mouth.

_Oh God!  Youji blanked his mind instantly not wanting to bring back unwanted memories not now he had to keep a clear head.  All he could feel was the wet tongue licking him and not pleasantly either.  He almost sighed with relief when the male was suddenly pulled away from him leaving a wet stickiness to his face and lips._

"Come on before the boss gets here."

"Maybe later beautiful."

Youji just kept still his eyes closed not wanting to think about what later meant.  _Youji fucking luck strikes again, if it wasn't so serious I would laugh.  He should have been more aware of what was happening around him especially on the dance floor._

_Aya's going to kill me…that's if I get out of here alive._

His ankles were bound with cord as were his wrists that were behind his back making him feel uncomfortable.  He tried to see how tight the knots were, _"Shit!" the pain making him tremble, whatever they had used there was no way he was going to free himself, he kicked his legs back in frustration.  __Bastards!_

Slowly the drug that was injected into his body began to do its magic, his body relaxing his head swimming.  _I am going to die._

He pushed that thought to one side and thought of Aya.  His Aya with crimson hair, violet blue eyes and pale skin, he was overwhelmed with this feeling as he knew that death was waiting for him.  _Say it Youji just say it.  His lips moved but the words would not come out.  __Aya I am so sorry Ken was right and if anything happens to me at least I know that he will be there with you._

The door opened and a flick of a switch made Youji close his eyes the bright light blinding.

"So we are awake Youji."

Blinking he watched as expensive leather shoes approached him, _this has got to be the target.  Wait a minute he knows my name.  How?_

***********************************************************************

**Aya, Ken and Omi's mission – The Warehouse**

"Abyssinian they are loading a truck on the West, Siberian is coming from the East."

"Right Bombay I am on my way."  Rushing forward Aya could not believe there luck the warehouse as it turns out was the one they were looking for.  He tried not to think about Youji but he was not happy with the way he had left, his state of mind.  Damn it Aya you have to keep your head clear he is alright.

He suddenly stopped hiding in the shadows, voices below him talking softly.  If only he could hear what they were saying, holding his breath his senses heightening acutely.

"The boss wants this batch gone tonight."

"Will he be here then?"

"Na he has other business to attend to, he wants to try out the ID booster."

"Found a guinea pig then did he?"

"Yeah some male he found at the club."

"Hey you two, get your butts out here, the others have arrived!"

Aya started to breathe again when he heard running footsteps.  Booster, he only knew too well what that meant; it enhances certain drugs making them more effective and powerful.

"Abyssinian have you planted the explosives?"

"Affirmative Bombay."

"Good, I have the information and codes but could find nothing on Aiden."

"Let's hope Balinese gets something on him."

"He will you know Balinese."

Aya smiled yes he did and he could not wait to get home to hold him in his arms again, to make sure he was safe and unhurt.

"Right lets get moving Bombay, Siberian."

Aya ran stealthily then stopped and cursed as two men suddenly appeared in front of him, with great speed and agility his katana ran through one of them the look of shock being his last expression making Aya smirk.  The other male kicked him with his leg but Aya side-stepped then lunged forward his sword finding its mark ripping through the flesh, his arms lifting upwards a sneer on his face.

His eyes watched with cold detachment as the flesh parted opening the victim up, blood soiling his sword.  He swiftly pulled his katana out then started to run again.  "Bombay the exit!"

"Left, right, right then straight down till the end.  There is a side door, use that and you will meet up with Siberian."

"Right."

Running like a cheetah Aya ran left, right skidding right again as he could hear running footsteps behind him, he sighed with relief when he saw his way out so close, gunfire behind him.  _Shit!  He staggered as a bullet ripped through his shoulder but he continued to run with fierce determination.  Nothing was going to stop him from getting home to see his Youji, not even death, another bullet hitting his arm, pain rushing through him.  __Fuck!_

Ken was worried about Aya and ignored his own danger, as he could hear gunfire.  "Abyssinian!" panic in his eyes as he ran for the door.  He sighed with relief as Aya came crashing through holding his right shoulder awkwardly.

"Aya!" Ken moved towards him anger marring his innocent face his bugnuck ripping the flesh of the first male coming through the door, Aya busy dealing with two others.  Another male went down as Bombay fired a dart his voice clear, "Ken behind you!"

It was strange, Ken could feel cold steel enter his body but he only felt a slight sting and shook himself turning around furiously, his own weapon entering the enemy like slow motion, he heard the sound of tearing flesh, felt the thick liquid feeling as blood splashed on his face his dark eyes devoid of emotion as he looked with hatred at the enemy who had the audacity to hurt Aya.  _Die you bastard!_

Omi looked at his team mates checking to see if the exit was clear.  "Let's go!"

Ken stopped when Aya touched his arm, "Ken, he is dead."

He shook himself when he realised what he had done, the body torn and ripped by his bugnucks, a pool of blood surrounding the dead man.  He swayed for a moment, his wound beginning to ache; he touched his back knowing he was bleeding.

Aya looked at him with concern, "Come, we will deal with our wounds at home."

"Sure."

They followed Omi silently running; the bombs were strategically placed to blow this warehouse to smithereens and Omi held the remote in his hand.

Feeling a little nausea, Aya was having trouble but he refused to ask for help pushing the throbbing pain to one side.  You will make it Aya, you have to.  Youji needs you and…and you need him, a small smile tugging at his perfect mouth.

***

**Youji**

His head rolling as the drug began to take its full effect Youji tried to fight the images that kept pushing forward inside his head, fear, anger and betrayal swirling like a whirlpool.  He must not give in to his past.

Cold grey eyes scanned his face with analytical intent.  "Give him the booster."  Smirking Aiden watched as the purple drug was syringed into his blood stream.  "Don't worry Youji; it won't take long before it really kicks--"

His cell phone rang cutting of his speech.  With a snap who barked into the mouth piece, "this better be good!"

"What!"

_"We have intruders."_

"Deal with them!"

_"They have the codes boss."_

"Fucking idiots, I am going to kill each and every one of you if you don't stop them!"

Slamming his cell phone shut he turned to the man beside him, "let's go we have work to do."

The brunette motioned his head towards Youji, "what about him?"

Aiden smirked coldly, "untie his wrist and legs, the drug will make him do things, I want to see how much damage he will do to himself."  Aiden knew what the drug was capable of, it wasn't called the suicide drug for nothing and he had the combination inside of his head, so whoever had the codes did not have this one.

He walked towards the honey blonde and caressed his cheek, "I am sorry to leave you like this," grey eyes glittered as he sneered, "say hello to Eliza for me in hell."  His evil laugh echoed around the room as he walked out slamming the door behind him.

Youji shivered the grey eyes reminding him of someone but his words; they seemed to sink in so slowly that he had a hard time trying to grasp what they meant, what they were, _Eliza?_

The drug taking full control of his thoughts and actions, Youji whimpered as he felt a familiar presence.  _No it can't be, no he is dead and…so is she._

The shadows began to move towards him, he fought to keep there faces in the dark, if he did not see them then he would be safe.

_//Youji look at me now!  Look at us both Youji, see our bloodied bodies Youji, do you remember…do you!//_

Standing shaking his head Youji backed himself against the cold concrete wall his nails scratching it with agitation.

_//Yes you do Youji you remember, you were a bad naughty boy and I have to punish you!//_

"No what I did…I-I had to…to stop you…" wildly looking around Youji blindly ran until he stood staring at a honey blonde with emerald eyes.  Startled he cried out as the male shadow stood behind him in the mirror.

_//There is no escape for you Youji, you cannot escape what you have done and you have to be punished.//_

He watched as the shadows hand reached out to grab him, in desperation Youji ripped the mirror from the wall flinging it across the room, the sound of broken glass reverberating beckoning him to look to see...

Walking slowly he saw jagged images of himself staring with strong guilt, the male shadow smirking, the female with her head bowed in submission, "Mother?"

_//Yes Youji, she was always there watching us, her jealously of you Youji that is why you did what you did…//_

Shaking his head Youji fell to his knees not aware of the pain shooting through his body, he fought with the tears that threatened to fall, his eyes latching on to a broken glass shaped like a knife, his hand slowly reaching out to it…

_//That's right Youji, pick it up and pay for your sins… pick it up now!//_

A long slender hand wrapped around the piece tightly, crimson blood seeping through, _I had to do it, I had to…_

_//That's right son, do to yourself what you did to us Youji, it is the only way for you now, who would want you Youji? Who would want you?//_

Hand shaking he lifted his wrist and stared at the soft golden flesh the hand with the glass hungrily waiting to cut deep into that flesh, rip into it so the crimson fluid could escape.  _I had to kill him…he was hurting me too much…_

TBC


	6. What Now?

**Disclaimers**: I do not own the characters of Weiss Kruez, Takehito Koyasu, Tsuchiya Kyoko, Shinshokan and others do.  This story is from **my** head and there is no way that they would even think of doing this with their characters.

**Warning**: Dark angst, very sensitive issues in this chapter, mild bad language, suicidal moments etc

**Pairing**: Aya x Youji – (one sided) Ken + Aya

**Rating**: R

**Authors Note**: I want to apologise for taking so long in writing this chapter but real life nipped at my heels and I had to deal with it, on top of that I had a major move which I am still unpacking now. Anyway the next chapter is the last chapter and it will have a lemon in it.

I wish to thank the following reviewers for there patience and lovely comments which encouraged me to write this chapter sooner than I could.  I said what the hell and told my family I was having time out. Thank you for being patient with me.  **Catlin, poutpout, Scented Candles, Vampire Louis, Lina, Forsaken, Bernstein, Kari, tmelange**.

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**_*Flashback*_**

_He followed the bitter smell of alcohol coming from the bedroom at the end of the hall, his eyes dark and detached, an adult mind trapped inside of a body going from a child to teenager._

_He winced with pain reminding him of what had just happened to him, fluid mixed with blood clinging thickly to his thighs and anus.  The club his father had used to stretch him before entering him with his penis making him shiver.  He shook himself, his right hand clenched tightly on a metal object to reassure himself that it was still there._

_His pale face was thin and haggard, covered in dark bruises, a split swollen lip bleeding as he licked his own blood._

_Silently like a ghost his too thin body moved with determination knowing that there was no turning back now.  What had happened tonight snapped something deep inside of him and he was now in survival mode, his instincts telling him that the next time could be his last time and he was a survivor._

_He felt so empty, numb, and the closer he got to their bedroom the more numb he became.  If there was any emotion he was feeling, it was hatred, his eyes so dark that the emerald depths hid behind the swirling black that could be seen there._

_Walking into their bedroom he looked at the figure sitting in the wooden chair tied securely with a black gag across her mouth, her eyes wide with fear begging him to let her go.  He calmly looked away._

_Slowly he made his way towards the bed where a male figure laid, the stench of alcohol mixed with drugs issuing from the cruel mouth that had ravaged his own not so long ago.  His lips curled with distaste at the memory his resolve strengthened._

_Lifting his arm he aimed the gun at his father's head, the stillness of his body as he cocked it, a smirk tugging at his bruised lips.  He heard the muffled cry from the female, who was his mother, but she had ceased being that a long time ago, she was just someone who he stayed with, someone who was lower than this man, his so called father._

_"Don't worry mother dearest," the last two words said with contempt, "where you two are going you won't have to be jealous of your own son anymore."_

_A shot rung out the body on the bed twitching as he fired again; tears running down his face.  The hell this man had put him through, the rape, torture, abuse and worse of all, the degradation and his own self-hatred.  He fired again watching the crimson fluid being exposed from the gun wounds on the males head and torso.  He stared with fascination; the sight settling him somehow and he blinked, turning to face his mother._

_He stiffened as he saw her eyes looking at him with anger and hatred, her body writhing as she struggled to get out of her bonds.  How could she love this man knowing what he had done to him? He aimed the gun at her heart ready to fire, he wanted revenge on this woman who had failed to love him and protect him._

_Closing his eyes he could feel his arm tremble and pulled the trigger not knowing if he had shot her or not, the gun now a heavy weight as it dropped to the floor from his slackened grip._

_Like a zombie he made his way towards the door and just kept walking until he reached his room.  His sanctuary.  Dropping to the floor he huddled in the corner wrapping his arms around his body._

_Freedom at a price.  No more pain, no more nothing.  He didn't care what happened to him now; he was finally free from them._

_What happened afterwards was one big blur of people in uniforms asking questions that he could not answer the pity in their eyes as they shook their heads.  Gentle hands touched him carefully, soft words he was not used to being spoken to him…oddly it was comforting._

_A flash of dark hair caught his attention, a male watching him intently with penetrating eyes.  He felt no fear, instead he was curious.  The older male nodded at him with a slight smile on his face and he knew that he would meet this person again, watching as the man turned and walked out the door with stealth and assurance, the other officers making way for him with awe and respect._

_"What is your name kid?"_

_Startled he looked at the officer who spoke, a wavering smile trying to break through to cover the pain he felt.  His first mask appearing to hide how he was truly feeling.  "Youji…Kudoh Youji."_

_***End Flashback***_

**Youji**

Tears streamed down his face, his dark memories coming back to him with full force.  The dark secret he had thought was buried to be forgotten, resurfacing, making him want to retch.

_//Do it Youji, do it.  This is your judgement.  Your penalty…Death!//_

With sluggish detachment he watched as his hand became a separate entity from his mind.  The sharp glass caressed his wrist so gently, barely leaving a mark, a scratch of crimson marring the perfect golden skin.  His shuddering breath halted his action, as his mind tried to focus on an image.  There was something he was forgetting, something that was very important to him.  He blinked twice watching the crimson fluid; it made him want to think of something else that was crimson, something or…or…some--

_//…Stop fighting it Youji.  There is nothing to keep you here now.  Nothing.  Now do it!  You are nothing but a used whore that enjoyed my touch, yes you enjoyed the way I thrust deep inside of y...//_

"No!"  Shaking his head, Youji denied his thoughts.  He did not enjoy it…he…he hated it.

_//Liar!  Your semen is proof that you enjoyed it.  Yes the hot seed that you spilled into my hands, the same pearly liquid that I licked of my fingers while you sat there and watched me with hunger.//_

"No!" his hand gripped the glass tighter as he tried to control his own limb, the limb that wanted to start the flow that would be the death of him.  He was a survivor and he just needed to remember what it was that he wanted to live for…his confused thoughts becoming chaotic and panicky as he grasped desperately for something, anything beside the dark shadow that kept on reminding him of his past.

_//There is nothing to keep you here Youji, nothing and no one.//_

"Shut the fuck up!"  Breathing heavily, he fought with himself as the glass dagger moved against his will toward his wrist, the blood streaming from the glass to his hand and down his arm like crimson tails.  The dagger glass now poised millimetres above the vein of his life stream.

A whispered voice egged him on, _//Do it...Your hands are tainted with blood, what is one more?//_

The voice is right, what is one more even if it is himself.  He was already dead inside wasn't he?  He had nothing to live for right?  He gasped as the colour crimson mixed with violet flashed inside his head.  _Aya?!_

Youji trembled as the beautiful image of Aya stayed with him, a whimpering cry of help escaping his lips.  "Please Aya, please help me."

_//He can't help you Youji, why would he.  When he finds out what you have done, do you really think he would want anything to do with someone who killed his own parents? Someone who was used goods?//_

"Aya will understand…he has to."

Laughter echoed all around the small room, the dark shadow leering with hate.  _//You are holding on to false hopes Youji, he will never understand.  You do not deserve happiness.  You do not deserve Aya.  What you do deserve is the punishment that befits the crime.  Murderer!//_

"No!"  Shaking his head he whispered no again the word sounding so false to his own ears.  Aya deserved better than this, he did not need the burden of what Youji carried on his shoulders, his past that was slowly destroying him.

_//That's better, I grow tired of your delusions.  Now do it.  Draw the line that will free you from all this.  Join us where you belong.//_

"I am so sorry Aya…I-I love you."  Closing his eyes, Youji called Aya's image forward, a small smile touching his trembling lips as he saw the lovely red head in all his pale beauty.  Cold violet blue eyes' softening briefly to harden once again, this is the Aya he has come to love.  "Yes he deserves better than me."

Opening his eyes once again he calmly took a deep breath and let his mind go, sinking into the drug induced stupor that would not allow him to control his hand.  He froze as he could hear a sound, vaguely, which stopped this action.  It seemed to be outside of where he was now but he could not focus or comprehend where it was coming from.  He could hear a voice and a banging sound but it only echoed inside of his head, shattering his nerves.  He listened for a moment trying to hear what the voice was saying, a female voice but he was distracted by the dark shadow.

_//It is no one of importance Youji.  Ignore it!//_

As much as he wanted to, Youji found he couldn't as a bright white light began to fill the room, soft feathery white wings stretching outwards, a small petite form with bright blue eyes pushing the shadow to one side.

_**Don't listen to him Youji, you have to believe in Aya.  He will come for you.**_

"Eliza?"

_**Yes it is me Youji.  I promised you that I would watch over you.  The drugs are making you see and do things, helping the shadow to take control of you.**_

"But I killed them Eliza."

Dimples appeared as she smiled sweetly, soft ghostly hands reaching out to caress his golden cheek_.  **You were only ten and you had to survive Youji.  They were slowly destroying the child within you and doing things that they had no right to do. They failed to protect you as they should have, they instead took advantage of you and used you for there own ends.**_

Moving closer Eliza wrapped her arms around him whispering in his ear, **_You have to let it go Youji, too live again and to stop giving them the power to control you.**_

Youji bit his lip stifling the sob, "but Aya will never understand."

_**You will have to trust in Aya to understand Youji.  He needs you and you need him just don't give up on Aya, he is very strong and knows what he wants.  Trust in him.**_

Before Youji could answer another banging sound came from the door that startled him then it stopped suddenly.  _The man with silver hair, was he coming back?  God he hoped not_.  His head fell forward against his chest as he was suddenly hit by drowsiness, his eyes blinking close slowly.

_**Youji please hold on, help will come.  He will come!**_

His hand that held the glass dropped heavily making a small cut, his whole body drooping with tiredness.  A mantra now repeating in his mind, Aya will come…Aya will come…Aya will come…

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**Aya Ran, Omi and Ken**

_Youji where are you?_

"Aya--"

Violet blue eyes watched as the rain hit the window with sharpness the wind making it swirl, his insides just as chaotic.  _Something is wrong I can feel it.  But where do I start to look?  The Club?_

"Aya--"

A tentative hand touched his elbow.  Omi.  "What?!"  He did not mean to snap but he could not help it.  Dread was clawing inside of him, the premonition that something evil was happening to his Youji.  Yes his Youji.  There was no denying this feeling and he was not about too.

"Ken will be fine, he needs rest and so do you."  Concern radiated from Omi towards Aya.

Snatching his arm away from Omi, Aya looked at him coldly, "I will not rest until Youji is safe at home with me!"  He turned his back on the youngest member of their team, closing his eyes to hide the pain from his wound he knew that was showing there.  He stiffened as he could hear someone whisper his name.  It happened again.  _Is it Youji calling out to me?_

Biting his lip Omi wasn't sure what to do or say.  Aya was hard to speak to at the best of times but when he was in this kind of mood it was impossible.  He was concerned for Youji too, as well as his other team mates.  "Aya I--"

"Leave it Omi; I am going to look for him now, I have waited long enough!"  He turned abruptly wincing slightly as his shoulder stretched; he made his way towards the door his hand on the door knob when the phone rang.  He held his breath turning sharply, his eye watching as Omi answered the phone.  _Please let it be my Youji._

"Yes Aya is here," Omi's sapphire orbs letting Aya know it wasn't Youji but he also detected confusion in his eyes as Omi mouthed the words, 'it is a female.'

Frowning Aya snatched the phone of the little blonde saying swiftly, "Aya speaking."

_The female sniffed looking around her quickly, "You have to hurry, Youji is here at the house and I-I can't get the door open…your friend is doing something to himself…"_

Perplexed Aya quickly looked towards Omi.  "Mrs Kraydon?"

_"Yes.  Look you don't have much time, m-my husband has given him some kind of drug."_

Aya couldn't believe it but shook himself. "We are on our way."  He slammed the phone down saying briskly, "Omi grab your gear, I know where Youji is."  He made his way pass the stairs when Ken appeared.

Ken could see Aya was in mission mode again, "news of Youji's whereabouts?"

Aya nodded, "are you fit enough to come?"

Omi interrupted before Ken could say anything, "no he isn't."

Ken snorted turning to go back upstairs, "I will get ready."

"Ken needs to rest Aya."

"Convince Ken not me Omi, I don't control his mind."  Aya stroked his Katana, saying beneath his breath, "we are coming for you Youji my love and those that have tried to hurt you will suffer slowly.  I swear this on my Katana!"  He kissed the handle of his sword sealing his vow.

Omi frowned at their leader, you have more control over Ken then you think Aya.  Shaking his head he knew that there was nothing he could do and grabbed the first aid kit just in case.  Who knows what they will find where they are going.

"Lets go I will not wait any longer."  His stride was sure and confident, his heart beating wildly as he pushed the panic that was trying to surface down violently.  Keep a clear head Aya as he ignored the throbbing pain coming from his shoulder and arm.

Ken winced as he struggled to put his jacket on, his bugnuck in place.  He heard Aya clearly and made his way down the stairs carefully avoiding Omi, he was not in the mood for his mothering, not now.  Aya needed him and he was going to be there to help him.  Even if it meant that they were saving Youji, the one that Aya wanted to be with.

**Mission****:  Rescue Youji**

Piling into the van, each one was quiet as Aya started the vehicle up.  The mattress was in the back, he was not sure what state Youji would be in when they get there but he was taking no chances.

The drive there seemed like it was taking ages, the closer they got the more Aya's heart beat with fear.  Would they be too late?  Would his Youji still be alive?  Mrs Kraydon…how did she fit into all this?  Shaking his head Aya was relieved to see the house and parked the van on the road away from the house.

Silently they walked towards the house and through the gateway, Aya's eyes scanning the area around them.  He was still the team leader and it was his job to make sure that their lives were not at jeopardy.

Ken whistled, "wow, what a home."  He turned to stare at Aya, "who lives here?"

"Eliza's mother and stepfather."  Aya straightened his leather coat his Katana gripped in his hand, the vow sealed and not forgotten.

Ken had no idea who this Eliza was though the name was vaguely familiar.  He followed Aya, Omi behind him with a grim look on his face.  Omi was giving him a hard time and it was unnerving him.  Omi was a force to be reckoned with when he was upset or angry.  Ken was willing to bet he was angry and not just with him but with Aya as well.

Aya lifted his hand to knock but the door opened abruptly to reveal a very flustered Mrs Kraydon.

"Please hurry he has gone quiet and I am worried about him."

"Omi you will stay here and keep a look out in case Mr Kraydon arrives, Ken you will come with me."  Aya turned towards Mrs Kraydon, "take us to Youji."

Nodding she headed towards the back of the house, Aya frowning as a secret door was revealed. She touched a certain spot and it slid open and walked through waiting for the other two to follow pushing another button that closed the door behind them.  She then rushed down the corridor that led to another door that swished open as she keyed in a code on the key pad.

Who the hell was Mr Kraydon?  "Mrs Kraydon what is your husband name?"

"Aiden…Aiden Kraydon"

Aya silently looked at Ken as they realised whose house they were in.  A small smirk appeared on Aya's face as he followed Mrs Kraydon down a long stairway that twisted into a dark place with aluminium walls.  Aiden was a dangerous enemy and who knows what else happened down here.

"Come he is in a room down here."

Aya nodded to Ken who waited in the shadows just in case the enemy managed to get past Omi.

Mrs Kraydon stopped outside a thick door with three locks on it.  She then proceeded to key in the code releasing one lock then shrugged, "I don't have any keys."

Smirking Aya rummaged in one of his pockets as he kneeled down by the second lock, his Katana he laid in front of him.  He found the pick that would unlock the door and carefully placed his head against it as he began to do his magic.  He had to calm himself and slow his heart rate down as he became excited about being this close to Youji.  His mouth twitched as he finally heard the click and began on the third lock which was going to take a little longer.

The silence from the room was scaring him and he tensed as he heard a groan.  He had to stop himself from calling out Youji's name and made himself concentrate on what he was doing, beads of sweat on his forehead.  What seemed like hours but was only minutes he heard the click and sighed with relief.

"Wait here Mrs Kraydon, Youji could become dangerous with the drug he has been given."

Picking up his Katana Aya opened the door and gasped as he saw his love lying on the floor, his wrist bleeding, his other hand all bloodied holding a jagged piece of glass tightly.  Inhaling deeply he walked toward the prone figure of Youji with stealth and slowness saying softly, "Youji."

Youji tensed as he heard his name, his eyes too tired to open.

"Youji, it is me…Aya."

"Aya," his throat so sore and dry, "Aya will come, he will come."

With quick steps Aya ran to Youji not caring anymore about the danger, Youji needed him, and needed him now.  He went to grab his hand with the glass when Youji swiftly slashed it through the air his body backing up against the wall.

"Shit!" as the glass caught his hand.  "Youji it is me Aya!"

Trembling with weakness and loss of blood, Youji opened his eyes his verdant eyes trying to focus on the image in front of him.  He froze as he recognised the crimson hair and stared into penetrating violet blue depths making him shudder at the tenderness he saw in them.  "Aya," his hand released the glass, the sound of broken glass filling his head.  Aya had come, he had come, the tears of happiness slowly making its way down his pale cheek.

Aya ran forward pulling the taller man into his tight embrace, his lips touching Youji's gently, lovingly.  "I thought I would never see you again Youji, my Youji."  His hand stroked the golden tresses of honey and silk.

Youji wrapped his arms around Aya's waist his body slumping forward, "Aya there is something I have to tell you--"

"Shh Youji, I have to stop the bleeding, we have to get you to the hospital."  He pulled himself together putting his stoic mask on as he looked at the cut in Youji's wrist.  Luckily it was not as deep as it looked and wrapped it up in a bandage tightly.

"Aya please I need to--"

Ken came rushing in.  "Aya we have company, Mrs Kraydon has gone back upstairs."

"_Fuck_ that is all we need."  He looked at Youji and could see he was about to black out.  This is not turning out to be a good night at all.

**Aiden**

With clenched fist Aiden looked at the burning building that used to be his warehouse.  "Any survivors?"

The brunette nodded, "yes the two that were with the golden boy."

"Send them to the house and tell them to wait there."  His cold eyes looked at the brunette angrily, "we have work to do, if they know this is the warehouse then it means they will be searching for me next.  I want you to make sure that the drugs we have stored in the safe at your office is sent to the secret location in America to my brother.  He will know what to do with them."

"Of course and the codes?"

Aiden smirked tapping his head, "they are safely locked in here and I am not about to reveal them to anyone."

"What about the club?"

"We can safely say that they are onto that establishment and there is nothing there that will lead them to me, now get to work!  I will meet you back at my place; it is time to let the wife know that she is not needed anymore."

The brunette stiffly walked away, fear beating in his heart.  How he got mixed up with Aiden he had no idea but money speaks many languages breaks many barriers and he was getting plenty of it.

Aiden's face clouded darkly.  "I will get those responsible for this and I will start with the sweet golden boy named Youji…"

**TBC**

**AN: **I hope this was not too rushed and that it was okay.****


	7. The Rescue and Angst

**Disclaimers**: I do not own the characters of Weiss Kruez, Takehito Koyasu, Tsuchiya Kyoko, Shinshokan and others do.  This story is from **my head and there is no way that they would even think of doing this with their characters.**

**Warning**: Angst, bad language, some sap

**Pairing**: Aya x Youji – (one sided) Ken + Aya

**Rating**: R 

**Authors Note**: Okay I said this was the last chapter well it isn't. I am so sorry. I wish to thank all those who have reviewed this fic, **poutpout**, tmelange, Bernstein, Nurissa Chan, Crystal Okamino, x2Angelofdeath, Kaori, Lina and Sylph. A very special thank you to both Scented Candle for the Beta reading and Vampire Louie**. I swear the next chapter is the last chapter…honest, heh. **

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**Kraydon's**** Mansion**

Darkness filled his head as crimson swirled in the distance.  Aya was here and he had come for him.

"Youji you have to wake up now, we need to move out!"

Eyelids that felt heavy cracked open to slits to stare straight into the violet blue of Aya's, a smile twitching on Youji's face. "You came for me Aya."

Nodding abruptly Aya moved the taller man's body to stand him upright.  As much as he wanted to kiss his blonde he knew that they did not have much time.  The enemy was here and they had to escape somehow.  There had to be another entrance to this place somewhere.  "Ken see if you can find another exit to this damn place.  I want to get Youji to the van."

Ken nodded, wincing as pain shot up his back again.  _'Shit!'  Ignoring the pain he ran to the door and looked around carefully and swore under his breath as he heard voices coming from the other end of the passageway.  "Damn!  This is all we fucking need."_

Turning back he watched as Aya caressed Youji's cheek and felt his heart stop for a moment, his head swirling with a strong emotion.  Shaking his head he chased away the dark thoughts that formed in his mind, ones where Youji would not get out of here alive.  He tried to stifle this evil image, evil hope that somehow Youji would not get out of here alive, leaving Aya for himself.

_That is sick Ken_.  With disgust for himself he moved towards the leader, "it's too late, the enemy is nearly here."

Staring at Ken with a frown creasing his forehead Aya did not like what he had to do next.  He did not want to fail Youji, not now or ever but he had to do something if they were to get out of here alive.  Sighing deeply, Aya turned to stare into the emerald depths of Youji and saw understanding there.

"I'll be alright here Aya," he looked at Ken, "the two of you need to clear the way."  Youji knew it had to be this way; he was still not in control of his body yet and would only slow them down.

Nodding quickly Aya turned before he changed his mind; his life was always full of choices that he had no control over.  Decisions where he had to suffer or someone he really cared about suffered in the process.  All he knew was that if anything happened to Youji his life would never be the same and he would become the unforgiving Angel of death to all those responsible.

Youji watched them leave a pang ripping through him.  Maybe this was fates way of saying that he, Youji, did not deserve happiness after all.  That he was only kidding himself, he was a murderer after all even though the jury and judge agreed with the lawyer, it was self preservation that had made him snap and kill those who were supposed to be his guardians...his protectors.

Moving towards the bed he sat down carefully his body shuddering, still going through a high from the drug as he fought with these unwanted feelings of depression and darkness.  He was only glad that the dark shadows of his parents were not bothering him anymore.  No, Youji now had to deal with himself, something he had stopped doing since he was ten going onto eleven.  And if they all made it out of here, the next step was to tell Aya about his past, the past that Youji was ashamed of, hated more than anything.  But Aya deserved to know what he was getting into before he made that final step.  This terrified Youji more than anything because he could lose Aya forever and lose his respect.

Youji looked up sharply as he heard voices yelling and Aya's katana clanging in the background.  Standing up he stumbled towards the door and ran down the passageway not sure if he was going in the right direction.  Strange the noise was fading and he hesitated.

"Well, well what have we here?  A golden bird who has escaped his cage."

Looking up brusquely Youji cursed himself and his damn Youji luck.  Aiden…with a gun…pointed at his damn head.

Aiden heard the commotion coming from the back exit and smirked.  _Fools, they left the bird behind, the one who is going to get me out of this situation and who knows…his grey eyes gazing back to the beautiful male standing in front of him. __He will make a lovely pet to play with. His face hardening he grabbed Youji by the arm and dragged him back upstairs._

Struggling as he tried to keep himself together, Youji yelled out, he would rather die then go anywhere with this psycho.  "AYA!!"  He winced in pain as Aiden's grip tightened.

"Shut your fucking mouth birdie, or your team-mate upstairs gets a bullet in his head!"

_'Omi.'_  Youji swallowed, emerald jewels venomously staring at the silver headed male.  He followed Aiden quietly his mind trying to think of something to get them out of this fucking mess.  _If he hurts Omi I will kill him with my bare hands.  He stumbled up the stairs and was pushed roughly through the door then another and watched grimly as they shut tightly behind them.  __Aya…_

**Battle**** begins**

His mind blank, Aya could only see death and darkness, his beloved Katana fitting perfectly in his calloused grip.  They are keeping him away from the one thing besides his sister that he wants to have in his life.  He has said it before; he would fight all the demons from hell to keep those whom he considered a major part in his life, safe, protected.  Youji was his to protect this thought making his arm arc his sword above his head.  _Fuck!_ His left arm throbbed from the exertion.

Warily Ken glanced slyly at Aya.  He is in pain, what he would do to help him with his shoulder.  What he would do to keep him safe and away from harm.  What he would do to keep him away from Youji.  He still believed that Youji was not the one for the beautiful red head; it just felt so wrong to him.

_That is because you want him for yourself Ken.  Aya will not thank you for it, he will end up hating you and that is the last thing you want him to feel for you._

Before he could think anymore they were both rushed by two big burly men holding weapons in there hands.

The one with a black pipe rushed Aya bringing it down hard towards his head.  Aya deflected it effortlessly his body still as pain shuddered inside him.  He didn't wince or tremble the enemy must not know he is injured.

Ken was too busy trying to stop the other male from stabbing him, and noticed that he carried a gun, they both did.  _Fuck!_  He quickly stepped to the left as the raven headed male lunged for him angrily.  _They mean business, well so do I!_

Aya feinted and smirked as the moron with the pipe fell for it.  The smirk disappeared as he seemed to twirl gracefully his Katana dancing around his body lovingly the moron not knowing what had buried itself inside of him as cold steel slid through him, parting his insides as red fluid flowed freely down his front.  The parting of the red sea, his body slowing down as his organs fought to keep him alive…to no avail.

Staring at Aya with wide eyes, the male could only shake his head, as the redhead jerked the sword from his body with savageness, amethyst jewels glinting with coldness that could turn everything around him into ice.  His last thought being, the only other person who he had seen like this was the boss…

"AYA!!"

"Youji!"  Aya's heart sped up as he turned to run back and stopped, "Ken?"

"Go rescue him, I will be fine."

Without a second thought Aya ran as if his life depended on it.  He watched as Aiden dragged his love roughly, the door slamming shut behind him.  _"Shit!"_  He was only glad that he had watched Mrs Kraydon and knew the codes.

Trying to calm himself down Aya punched in the numbers, anger pouring through his every touch.  _I am going to kill the silver haired bastard and make sure he suffers in the fucking process!_

The door opening he found the switch that opened the next door and ran his Katana ready and waiting, hungry for the blood of the next victim…the target Aiden.

"I think that is far enough don't you? Or do you wish me to hurt Youji?"

Aya cursed under his breath, glaring at Aiden, then quickly looked Youji up and down to make sure he was okay.  Relieved to see he was alright he scanned the room and saw Omi and Mrs Kraydon at gunpoint from a brunette who was nervously surveying the room himself.  A weakness?  If only he could angle his way over to him but stopped immediately as Aiden began to caress Youji's cheek, his tongue flicking out to lick his ear.

_Keep control Aya, he is only trying to get to you.  'Well it is fucking working!'_

"You intrigue me red very much, and judging by your weapon there you know how to use it.  A challenge perhaps?  We shall see."  Grabbing Youji by the head he kissed him roughly with a smirk on his face and let him go, pushing him towards the brunette.

With fumbling steps, Youji suddenly straightened his body still and alert, his hand lifting to wipe his mouth. He tasted the coppery taste of his own blood, a memory flashing red inside his head again and again.  _The hallway, the smell of bitter alcohol, the adrenalin of holding something in his hand…_

His eyes blinked twice changing from emerald to black…survival mode clicking inside of his head…dark eyes trained on the brunette with the gun, sure steps padding softly…

Aya's impassive face watched Aiden carefully, the gun in the targets hand now pointing towards him. He has faced worse then this and death was nothing to him, he accepted it like they all did.  It was the one sure thing in life that would happen sooner or later, no escaping it.  He would prefer later but he had three lives relying on him to get them out of this mess.

With swiftness Aya leaped forward his Katana moving around him with great speed slicing through the air, Aiden cursing as he stepped back from the sudden movement, the gun firing...

It was at this moment Youji sprung into action as he gracefully kicked a long leg towards the brunette, the gun flying out of his hand. His wire escaped its confinement, skilfully handled as he coiled it around the neck of the brunette swiftly, strong slender fingers tightening it until it was taut, as it choked and slowly sunk into the flesh of his enemy.

With cool detachment, he watched the blood flow, his mind saying a mantra over and over again as the body struggled…_I will survive, I will survive…_

Aya did not have time to think whether he had been hit or not, his sharp blade slicing the hand holding the gun.  What happened after this was like a blur a chill going up his spine when he saw the eyes of the man he has come to care for…

Youji dropped the dead man to the ground and picked up the gun turning towards the main target his eyes filled with black hatred a sneer on his face.  Aiden was like his father, he had hurt Eliza, he had touched her where he shouldn't have, he did things to her that she did not deserve…the gun clicked as the target stared with shock at the stump where his hand used to be.

Looking up Aiden's eyes widened with fear as he faced the golden haired male with dark cold eyes, the bullet released, speeding with accuracy towards his forehead killing him instantly.

Youji shot him again, at his heart, stomach, emptying the gun of its bullets.  When he was satisfied he dropped the metal weapon his eyes flickering as he focussed on Aya.

"Aya are you hurt?"

He was in agony but they were old wounds from the warehouse.  Nodding his head he flicked a quick glance towards Omi and Mrs Kraydon, his mind still thinking about the way Youji had looked a moment ago…dark and chilling…

Youji kept staring at Aya, his mind doing overtime.  Aya was avoiding him, the tension suddenly coming from the redhead making doubt surge through Youji painfully. _Keep your head Youji, you knew this would happen and you have survived worse…haven't you?_

Aya was warring with his own doubts concerning Youji.  He had a sister to consider, admittedly she was in a coma but one day she would wake up, he had to believe this, it was what was keeping him alive, kept him going on.  How would Youji fit into this part of his life? Especially after the way Youji had looked. What kind of control did he have with himself when his past came to the present?

Aya hated these negative thoughts towards the blonde that he has come to care for as much as his sister, maybe more…

Watching the emotions flitting across Aya's face, Youji closed his eyes, the ache in his chest making him feel faint.  The soft touch of Omi's fingers on his shoulder helped him to place the perfect mask in place, the false smile wavering on his soft lips. He turned and smiled at the little blonde.

"Are you alright Youji?" 

Nodding his head, Youji was finding it hard to speak and just reached up and squeezed Omi's hand, the concern shining from his cerulean orbs comforting. He knew that his past would catch up with him sooner or later and affect his life somehow.  Whatever he had with Aya was over before it even begun.

Aya made to move towards Youji when Ken appeared.

"Everything okay here?"

Aya nodded and made his way towards Mrs Kraydon instead. "You cannot stay here. Operations will see to you."

She nodded, "thank you."

Shrugging, Aya abruptly made his way to the door, "let's go!"

Angelina stopped Youji, "thank you Youji."

"I did it for Eliza Mrs Kraydon, no one else."

"I know and I am grateful."

He watched her silently then smiled not saying a word and left following the others his heart in turmoil.

Ken was not sure what was going on, but he noticed something not right between Aya and Youji.  What the hell happened while he was downstairs? His curiosity was almost killing him, his eyes never leaving the leader. _Aya dear sweet Aya, do I have a chance with you?_

**At the Apartment**

Darkness surrounded him, the only light coming from his cigarette, the fiery light making his pale face glow when he dragged on the circular tube. The weather was miserable and made him feel more depressed, the rain crying the tears that he just could not shed anymore. 

_Aya wanted to talk to him_.  

So here Youji waited patiently, not in the mood to speak to the others.

Before when he was downstairs, Ken kept staring at him like he was waiting for something to happen.  Youji smirked at this. _Your guess is as good as mine on this one Ken. He froze when he heard the knock on his door._

Taking a deep breath he stood up flicking the light on as he opened the door. Neither one of them said a word as he followed Aya to his bed.

Sitting down his chin set with determination, Aya blocked out any feeling he felt for Youji as common sense took him over. He had to think of his sister Aya. With calmness and detachment his head turned slightly, his words coming out coldly, "I need to know your past Youji."

Youji stopped himself from flinching, pain flashing like lightening in his chest. He nodded, "alright Aya," his words coming out subdued and faraway… 

He took in every emotion that the red head displayed as he told him about his parents.  What his father did to him, and how his mother watched with jealously. The toys his father used on him leaving nothing out.  If he thought Aya's face couldn't get anymore stonier he was sadly mistaken, as he could feel the ice pack tighter around the redhead, the final clincher came when he told Aya he had killed his parents.  Aya was visibly shocked, a frown marring his beautiful face.

The silence was strangling the pair who cared very deeply for one another, one not sure what to think as his heart went out to Youji. Dear sweet, beautiful Youji, he had suffered such a degrading wretched past from those who were meant to look after him and care for him.  And here he was thinking of just leaving him, but a big part of him wanted to enfold his older team-mate in his arms and protect him from the world and surround him with his love that he has never given to anyone before…besides his family.

But his sister Aya had to come first. Standing, his fists clenched tightly he knew what he had to do.  "I need time to think Youji.  I hope you understand this, but there are things in my life that you don't know about and it is this that I need to sort out."

Youji smiled to reassure the redhead even if he was dying inside, "Of course Aya." What hope he had died at Aya's words and he struggled to hold himself together but he managed.

"Thank you Youji."  Aya leaned forward quickly kissing Youji on the cheek and swiftly made his way out of the room, the rain falling harder against the window.

Youji stood there, his fingers lightly touching where Aya had kissed him; his eyes were burning as he refused to cry, watching the rain fall, pretending that they were his tears…

**Two weeks later**

"Aya, I feel like I have lost something precious in my life and I don't know what to do about it. I did not think that letting him go would affect me so badly, I can't eat, I can't sleep and I can't get him out of my system no matter what I do," breathing heavily, Aya Ran's body shuddered, "he has been perfect since I told him I needed time to think, never getting in my way always keeping his distance, but--"

Hearing a click Aya grabbed his Katana swiftly turning his lithe body in attack mode, cold eyes drawn together watching the intruder like a hawk. "What the hell are you doing here Manx?!"

Smirking she walked further into the room. "We need to talk."

Relaxing a bit he put his sword down by his sister. "Mission?"

"Depends on how you look at it."

Aya looked at her with impatience, "I am not in the mood for this Manx!"

Her face went hard, "Nor am I Aya." She then smiled her eyes settling on his sister. "She looks so serene and peaceful doesn't she?"

"…"

"I imagine you have your future all planned out, as best as one could expect in this situation."

"It is none of your fuck--"

"Business." Manx smiled at this. "When she wakes up, what happens then Aya?"

Grabbing his Katana, Aya was not in the mood for this crap.  "I am leaving!"  Marching towards the door he tensed stopping abruptly as Manx spoke softly…

"So is he…"

His back to her, Aya dreaded the next words that would be spoken. He was not stupid and Manx was relying on his quick brain.  He hated her sometimes, they knew things about each of them, and none of his team-mates were safe from them…none of them.

"He called two days ago."

His hands tightened around his Katana, his teeth clenched together as he controlled his breathing.

"His exact words were, 'the team would function better without me'." 

Turning impatiently to stare at her, Aya was surprised with the anger he could see in her eyes, the tension she carried in her shoulders.  But still he remained stoic, even if he was aching inside. "It is his decision."

She smiled coolly, "yes, it is his decision."  Walking towards the window she sighed, "I knew you would say that."

Silence hung in the air and Aya wanted to leave but there was something more to this, and…and he wanted to hear it because he was tired of his own thoughts, his damn common sense that was ruining everything for him.

"Youji is a great assassin and knows his part well, what he has to do and when to act on his instincts and when not to. He has what we call a very strong survival mode technique which he learnt when he was young.  When he goes into this SM as we call it, he protects those he cares about and with a quick cold calculating mind, destroys those that wish to harm them."  She turned to look at him, "have you ever seen him when he goes into SM?"

Frowning Aya could only shake his head.

"It's quite chilling, his face goes dark, void of all emotions except one…hate."

Aya felt hope flare inside of him, "why are you telling me this?"

"Maybe you witnessed it for the first time back at the Kraydon mansion," she shrugged, "maybe not."

She turned to face him fully, "it was what attracted Kritiker to him in the first place. They carefully monitored and watched him growing up since he was ten," her eyes flickered slightly, "since the death of his guardians."

"I see." His heart beating wildly Aya felt this urgent need to get back to the apartment.

She smirked, "it doesn't really matter now does it. He is leaving and we are going to help him in everyway we can."  Manx watched as she twisted the knife, Youji deserved happiness and if this fool was not going to give it to him so be it! They would help him start over again with a new team, a new life. 

With cold detachment she looked as Aya flinched from her words, his face pale.

Aya hated asking for anything especially to anyone from Kritiker, but if he wanted Youji to stay he would have to do it. "Let me talk to him first…please Manx."

She stopped herself from smiling, pretending that she was thinking about his request.  As the minutes ticked away she sighed, "alright but you have a week to resolve it, if not then his new identity will activate into action."

Nodding once Aya grabbed his Katana looking at Manx, his eyes telling her to leave.

Smirking she went towards the door, "Youji has had a hard life, his past was none of his doing, so remember that Aya." Turning the handle she hesitated, "He deserves happiness…and so do you."

Aya heard the door click shut a small smile twitching around his mouth. Yes we both deserve happiness, and who better with than someone who understands there lifestyle, their work.

Tenderly he caressed his sister's cheek whispering softly, "Youji is going to love you Aya, and like me will protect you from harm. In return I will protect him and give him the part of me that no other will ever have again. Even the part that you can never see..."

**TBC**

**Authors Note**: I swear the next chapter is the last. I promise.


	8. Will he stay?

**Disclaimers**: I do not own the characters of Weiss Kruez, Takehito Koyasu, Tsuchiya Kyoko, Shinshokan and others do.  This story is from **my** head and there is no way that they would even think of doing this with their characters.

**Warning**: Angst, minimum bad language (yeah shock I know, heh), ultra sap

**Pairing**: Aya x Youji – (one sided) Ken + Aya

**Rating**: R 

**Authors Note**: This was my first fanfic I have ever written and reading it now, I see a lot of mistakes that I am too lazy to rectify and it is not that great a fic. I apologise and I am only glad that anyone read it in the first place; I'd love to say I am very proud of this but that would be lying. But it is my first and does have a place in my heart somewhere, and this is the last chapter that is ultra sappy so be warned. There will be an epilogue.

******************************************************************************************

Aya was feeling an emotion that he was not used to feeling…

Nervousness.  

How the hell was he going to do this?  How was he going to approach Youji? 

"Fuck!" he sat down on his bed with frustration, time ticking away. 

He knew to believe Manx, she never minced with words.  If he didn't get his act together and soon, Youji would be gone from his life and he would never see him again. As far as Aya was concerned, that was not an option.

He was not sure what he was feeling for Youji, but whatever the emotion was, it was strong enough for him to want to act upon it before he lost something precious.

Frowning he growled standing up stiffly, wearing faded blue jeans outlining his slender form with a black t-shirt. His crimson hair caressed his porcelain skin as he turned his head abruptly shaking the feeling of loss away if Youji should ever walk out the door to never return.

He paled, froze and closed his eyes, a frown marring his handsome face until a smirk twitched at his perfect lips. He was surprised he didn't think of it sooner.  

He would be honest with Youji and he knew that it would not be easy because he had a lot of trouble with words, especially words explaining his emotions.  But he would do this; not only for Youji but mainly for himself.  He was being selfish and at the moment he didn't care. 

Youji was his, no matter what!  That is all he knew…and all he cared about.

With determination and his chin set, Aya opened his door and made his way towards Youji's bedroom and knocked briskly.

"Doors not locked."

Smirking at Youji's response, Aya opened the door before he lost his nerve, his face set stoically.

He wanted to smile when he saw Youji's eyes widen, the emerald depths swirling with many different emotions.  _My Youji and he will be before the night is through._

Youji fought the joy that filled his heart and kept breathing slowly until it was beating normal once again. It was just that…it was good to see Aya in his room and staring at him, not avoiding him as he has been.

It still won't change anything Youji rationalised, he was still leaving and Aya was probably here because of a mission, and he began to hide behind the mask he called smile or be damned. 

Walking towards the window to stand by Youji, Aya took a deep breath, the smell that was all Youji overwhelming him as his body tingled. Whatever this feeling was it made him feel warm inside, safe and he felt like he belonged. Aya wasn't sure what that meant but if things worked out how he thought it would then this could be his forever. 

Aya knew he was not the type to spout of sonnets or let all his emotions show, it just wasn't him, but he was a man of action and it was this that was going to help him get Youji to stay here, with him, where he belongs. They would sort out the other things later on; he just had to get Youji to stay. 

Youji couldn't stand the silence any longer, "you wanted something Aya?" He was pleased with his neutral tone, when inside he was a whirl pool of nerves trying to keep calm.  Youji was only glad that he decided to wear his black jeans and loose white t-shirt instead of his black boxers. His honey blond hair was loose around his shoulders like thick silk, his emerald eyes guarded.

His face showing no emotion Aya nodded, "yes there is a mission.  Dress casual."

Feeling deflated at this Youji berated himself for getting his hopes up.  "Alright, what time?"

"Just be ready in an hour's time."

Youji nodded, "sure."  He watched as Aya walked out again, fighting to control the emotions that dug deep inside of him carving a crevice full of pain. What did he think he was going to say?  That he had changed his mind and wanted him back!

He laughed with bitterness and moved towards his wardrobe pulling out a large suitcase.  He needed to keep his mind on something else besides the beautiful red head, and packing his things would be it.

One more week and he would be gone and his heart felt like it had been put through a shredder.  He didn't want to go…but he couldn't stay either.  Not now that just being in the same room with the red head could make his whole world crumble around him. 

No, he had to go and he blocked out the pleading voice that tried to tell him otherwise.

**************************************

Ken couldn't concentrate and he knew that the arrangement he was working on was absolute crap. He could feel Omi watching him and it was beginning to get on his nerves. Normally he would never in his life have bad thoughts of his fellow team-mate but he wasn't getting much sleep because he kept thinking about Aya.

With a grunt he pushed the arrangement away from him and hoped that it would pass Omi's inspection. He may be the youngest but he had an iron streak in him when things had to be done.

"Ken?"

_Great this is all he needed, Omi asking him what is wrong. "Omi?"_

He watched as Omi moved towards him with hesitation.

"Is everything alright?"

Ken opened his mouth then shut it again to stop the lies slipping through his lips, instead he shrugged, "I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Oh."

"Nothing to worry about Omi, I ju…just can't concentrate on what I am doing." Ken knew that was the understatement of the year.

He would have to talk to Aya sooner or later and sooner would be better. He wasn't blind to the two older assassins as they seemed to avoid one another. If he had a chance, it was right now.

Omi touched his arm gently, "Why don't you have a break for half an hour, if things get to busy I will come and get you."

Surprised Ken could only stare into the cerulean stare of his friend, searching and only seeing sympathy in the sapphire depths. This made him frown as he wondered why Omi would feel pity for him.

"Thanks Omi, I will take a break." He winked at the blond and moved quickly towards the door before he changed his mind or more customers came in.

The smile on Omi's face dropped as he began to chew on his bottom lip, watching Ken walking with determined strides. _Poor Ken_. He shook himself knowing that he would be here for his team-mate.

***

Sighing deeply, Ken opened the fridge, his fingers wrapping around the can of soda drink. Turning he jumped slightly as Aya came into the kitchen looking at him coolly.

"Aya." _Shit, shit Ken, get a grip. He hadn't meant the others name to come out so breathless and bit his lip as the red head glared at him._

"Youji and I will be on a mission this afternoon, so you and Omi will take our shifts."

"What mission Aya?" Ken flinched as cold amethysts snapped towards him but Ken couldn't help himself. Whenever Aya was around, Ken couldn't control his mouth and what came out. It was a curse especially how he felt about the red head.

"None of your business!"

Ken watched as the redhead poured himself a coffee and noticed the faraway look Aya had. Curiosity was eating at him slowly and he would give anything to know what the mission was.

Swallowing Ken finally worked up the nerve to tell Aya what he felt for him. _What was the worse that could happen…?_

"Um Aya--" 

"Hn."

"I want…I mean th-there is something I need to say…I mean t-to tell you--"

Ken blushed as Aya turned to face him sighing impatiently, "What is it?"

Wincing from the amethyst glare now fully focussed on him, Ken gulped, _I don't think I can do this…tell him._

_No I have to; otherwise I will go insane not knowing._

With this last thought Ken nodded to himself closing his eyes, so that all the emotions that he carried for Aya would slowly shine into his eyes.

Raising his head as he stepped closer to Aya, Ken's chin lifted with determination only to falter as he saw Aya frown and step back, his perfect lips tightening into a thin line.

Ignoring this Ken spoke, his chocolate eyes trying to sear the emotions of love he held within himself for his team-mate, "for awhile now I have…I have had these feelings and I--"

"Aya?"

_Damn you Youji! Ken quickly stepped back as Aya pushed passed him without a second glance._

With frustration Ken slammed the fridge door shut as he heard Aya and Youji talking to one another. Their voices seemed to get softer and softer until he couldn't hear what was being said. But what did it matter.

He was on the verge of letting Aya know that he was loved and by him when Youji interrupted them. _Fuck you Youji why is it you always appear when you are not wanted…why?!_

"Ken?"

Turning sharply Ken had to force himself to calm down before he said something he would regret. Instead he scowled at the blonde, "What do you want Youji?"

"That bad Ken?" Ken watched as Youji shook his head, "I just wanted to know if you were alright…you seem uptight about something."

Ken sighed deeply shaking his head with resignation and shrugged his shoulders, "I'm fine, just not getting enough sleep." Before Youji could answer he walked away and looked up as Aya moved towards Youji.

_Sooner or later Aya will know how I feel about him because I will never give up until I tell him._

***

Aya watched the honey blond silently, trying to ignore the episode with Ken only moments ago. 

When he had seen that look in Ken's eyes all of his defence mechanisms kicked in and he had to control his body from doing physical harm to the younger male. It was a look that he only knew too well and it was directed at him.

Frowning Aya knew it was the last thing they needed. Their team meant a lot to him, more than any of them realised.  What it didn't need was tension between the three of them and he would protect Youji first, then his team.

Aya put things into priority and his team Weib Kreuz always came second to his sister, now that priority has shifted one step lower. His sister Aya, now Youji, then came the team. The first two were not negotiable.

Turning to Youji he pushed these thoughts to one side. "It is nearly time for us to go. Get ready."

"Sure Aya." Watching Youji leave Aya noticed sadness in the blond's eyes and hoped that after tonight, everything would be clearer for them both. Aya was unclear about his feelings but they were stronger than he has ever felt before though he was a little frightened at the emotions that were slowly unfolding inside of him. The only way he was going to get through this is to treat it like a mission for now and take each step as they came to it.

As for Ken he would leave it for now and hoped that it never came up again. The only emotion he felt for the brunet was comradeship…that was all. 

Straightening up he had to prepare himself for the 'Get Youji to stay mission' and take it from there. Smirking Aya ran up the stairs, opening the door to his room his eyes briefly eyeing Youji's closed door. A soft smile tugged at his lips as he stepped into his room shutting the door behind him.

Opening his closet he grabbed a clean pair of black jeans and a violet button up shirt. He was going to wear his black leather coat and boots to match and of course his katana he would take with him just in case.

Putting his clothes on swiftly Aya took a deep breath as he felt that nervous feeling once again. Aya just hoped he didn't fuck it up today with Youji. He only had one chance and it was a chance that he wasn't taking too lightly.

Grabbing his katana, he scanned his room making sure everything was in its place. Once Aya was satisfied he left his room going into mission mode. He smirked at this, it really was a mission.

***

**Youji**

The ride towards their mission was quiet and Youji was uncomfortable and he was starting to worry about Ken. Never mind his own problems but the younger team-mate was starting to crack and no matter what Ken had said and done against him, Youji could understand why he did it.

_Love for Aya._

Leaning his head back against the car seat, he gave said love a sidelong glance. 

Frowning Youji had to wonder what the team leader was thinking about because his face was set in mission mode but…there was something different. If Youji wasn't mistaken he would swear that Aya was nervous.

Shaking his head he smirked to himself. Aya…nervous…yeah right! If it wasn't so damn quiet in the car he would have chuckled at his ridiculous notion.

Nervous and Aya just don't go together. Anyway what did it matter, this would be his last mission with the red head. Sighing he turned his attention to the scenery as Aya's Porsche slowed down to turn into…the hospital?

Frowning he quickly looked back at Aya who was gripping the steering wheel tightly his eyes resolutely faced forward. Youji's eyes widened.

_Aya **is** nervous. Fuck! What kind of mission are we on?_

He watched silently as the red head parked his Porsche in a clearly marked parking space. Warning: Private parking reserved for ARF only. Risk vehicle being towed away at your own cost.

Youji swallowed hard and hopped out of the car keeping his eyes averted, for some strange reason Youji knew not to ask any questions, so he kept his mouth firmly shut…for once. _Private parking…Aya…_

Brushing his hand through his hair Youji followed Aya, his black jeans moulding to his body. He wore a black turtleneck top and a long leather coat down to his ankles. Aya said casual but Youji felt comfortable in these clothes and so he wore them with his black leather boots which barely made a sound as they entered the hospital. They headed for the elevator and he sighed with relief as the door opened, both men entering, Aya pushing the button.

Slyly looking at his team-mate Youji started to nibble on his bottom lip. _Okay…Aya is beginning to worry me. He would kill to have a cigarette right now._

He jumped with a start as the elevator tinged and abruptly stopped. Youji had to admit to himself…he was fucking nervous now.

_Great going Aya!_

He then followed Aya down the corridors, the quiet, so peaceful and so right to Youji. The nurses all nodded at Aya in recognition and looked with surprise at Youji. He just smiled at them, not his flirty smile; no he hasn't used that mask for awhile. Not since Aya kissed him on the roof top.

Aya stopped abruptly and Youji had to use his quick reflexes to stop himself from running into Aya, who was so still, his eyes glued to the closed door.

Youji wanted to reach out and hold him because Aya was acting strangely.

He watched as the redhead took a deep breath, his pale slender hand pushing the door open, squaring his shoulders.

Youji stepped through as Aya beckoned him to enter, and Youji heard the firm click as the door shut firmly behind them.

The usual hospital smell ghosted around him, the sound of soft breathing, heart monitor beeping in the background. It wasn't this that had caught Youji's attention. No, it was the slender form lying in the bed, pale like a ghost.

She had dark hair and the face of an Angel. Youji stopped breathing as he saw Aya approach the girl, the redheads face softening, his hand reaching towards the female's hair and stroking it with loving tenderness. A sight Youji thought he would never see.

The female didn't acknowledge the touch; she just lay there so still, like a statue. Youji looked with confusion at Aya who hadn't said a word since they entered the room.

Then Aya inhaled deeply. 

Youji waited.

"Youji, this is Aya Fujimiya."

Youji's eyes widened as he held his breath and he frowned as thoughts began to fly erratically in his head. His brain was trying to understand the meaning of Aya's words.

_If she is Aya Fujimiya then that means…_

"Yes Youji, she is my sister."

Youji's head jerked upwards and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say and then it dawned on him. The intense stare Aya was giving him, making his world tip to one side, as only Aya could do this to him.

She is the reason why Aya decided that they shouldn't see each other any more. Shuddering with relief Youji averted his eyes to stare down at his black boots.

Aya was protecting his sister and was not disgusted with him…his past.

A ghost of a smile tugged at Youji's face, lifting his head he made himself stare into Aya's violet stare. Finally understanding what Aya meant when he let him go. 

What were his words? _"I need time to think Youji.  I hope you understand this, but there are things in my life that you don't know about and it is this that I need to sort out."_

Youji was not sure what he was going to say but the first thing he said made Aya smile at him softly. "She is beautiful."

Aya nodded at him, "yes she is."

Youji watched as Aya turned back to his sister, "she is in a coma and has been for awhile. I made a vow to protect her after I failed to the first time." He turned back to look at Youji sadly, "she will always come first to me."

His chest tightening at the emotion Aya was allowing him to see, Youji smiled warmly his heart beating with a loud thump against his chest, "As she should Aya…is…is that what I call you?"

Aya nodded, "yes, but when we are alone…I-I want you to call me Aya-Ran. Ran is my true name but Aya is now apart of me that I'm not willing to part with…yet."

"Of course Aya...Ran," it would take some getting used to, "but there is something you should--"

"No Youji don't say another word just hear what I have to say first."

Youji was surprised with the request and decided to wait to tell Aya he was leaving the team.

***

**Aya-Ran**

"She is beautiful."

Aya tried to stop the slight curving of his lips but he was pleased with Youji's words and was relieved that he had made the right choice in showing Youji his sister and giving him his real name.

He stiffened when Youji began to talk, knowing what he was about to say and stopped him.

"No Youji, don't say another word; just hear what I have to say first." Aya watched as the blond walked towards him, then stood on the other side of his sister's bed his face calm showing no emotion.

Aya was relieved when Youji looked down at his sister, his green stare looking with curiosity at Aya-chan.

The words began to jumble inside of his head and he unconsciously grabbed his sisters left hand, feeling the coolness against his warm palm…giving him the strength and determination to decipher and make sense of the confusion swirling in his mind.

"I…" Aya took a deep breath; it was not as easy as he had thought. No it was fucking hard!

Aya noticed that Youji still kept his eyes averted and silently thanked the blond for understanding the trouble he was having with his words. 

Taking another deep breath he squeezed his sister's hand and lifted his chin, if he was going to do this, he was going to do it the right way. Youji deserved this much…and more.

"Could we try again?"

Aya winced inside but he didn't have the gift of speaking the words he was feeling. Instead he silently watched Youji who swallowed hard then looked up at him with surprise.

"A-Aya I'm not sure I understand--" he watched Youji's silky hair caress the blond's face as he shook his head, "I-I mean why me?"

Shrugging Aya shook his head, "I don't know Youji I just do and I haven't had this feeling before…I mean…to want to try and see where whatever we are feeling goes." Shit this was really hard.

Watching the emotions playing on the blond's face Aya almost smiled, this was just as hard for Youji as it was for himself. They both had a lot to learn to about letting part of their mask down to another person but the difference was, Aya was willing to…just for Youji.

Aya knew he could have had anyone at anytime, Yuuishi the Knight from Crashers, and select others at that time, but he wasn't ready then. He could have of had Ken, but there was no feeling there, well not like this anyway. With Ken he felt the same thing he felt for Omi, brotherhood.

Youji had always been different. If he was to look back on the times that he was with the tall blond, he knew that there was always this special feeling towards Youji from the first time they had met.

No it wasn't Ken who comforted him or made him feel like he should belong, on the contrary Ken treated him badly and had hurt him, Aya admittedly knew why, he was an asshole that day, this being the understatement of the century.

Aya smirked then blinked twice as his memories warmed him inside, that first meeting had made no difference to Youji; he still treated him like a human being and tried everything in his power to make Aya feel like he belonged.

Of course Aya would never admit this too anyone, not even himself, he was still to keyed up with revenge, loneliness and worrying about the care of his sister. His sister that he wanted to share with no one, not until now that is.

He looked up sharply as Youji exhaled softly his voice husky and soft, sending a thrill up Aya's spine. The sound was strangely erotic.

"I would like that Aya; I would like it a lot."

Aya could see that Youji was having just as much a hard time as he was. If this situation wasn't so serious he would have laughed but held it back, this was no time to laugh, they were both emotionally raw from their past and Aya had promised himself that he would never hurt Youji intentionally. With this in mind he nodded with determination, "It won't be easy Youji, I can't change who I am, who I have become overnight but--"

He watched the smile spread on the blond's beautiful face, and caught his breath. The words his father had said to his mother when they were relaxed and could only see each other came to him, _'The sun has nothing on your smile Angel'_.

Aya didn't understand what that meant at that time but he did now. Youji's smile lit up the whole room, sending warmth and heat everywhere, encompassing all that was around him, his sister, himself, like they belonged together as one.

Swallowing, Aya had trouble controlling the emotions that slammed against the barrier he had erected around his heart and Youji's words made the barrier tremble altogether.

"Aya Ran, I don't want you to change, not one bit. If anything I like Aya and I know that when Ran is ready…I-I will like him too."

_'You smile is the sun, your eyes the emerald sea, but it is your presence, that will mean everything to me'._

With determination Aya lifted his right hand to entwine them with Youji's. "We will get through this together Youji, it will be rough but we will get pass it somehow. You and I--" his face softened looking down at his sister, "and Aya-chan."

The squeeze of Youji's hand sealed the pact, the promise and Aya realised that everything was going to be okay. One day his sister would awake from the deep sleep she was in, and she would accept this blond into her life like he had, and Youji would finally have a family of his own…just like Aya Ran.

**A/N: Epilogue on its way. It will be seven months after this moment at the hospital and everything will be resolved especially the issue with Ken. With onesided love there is going to be hurt somewhere.**


End file.
